


Say A Prayer and Close Your Eyes

by Annie46fic



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Virginity, doctor!Jensen, hurt!Jared, mentally challenged!Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 17:16:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/371446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie46fic/pseuds/Annie46fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ER Doctor Jensen Ackles thinks he is having a quiet night – until he meets Jared – a young man who has obviously suffered abuse and pain. Can Jensen help him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning** \- this chapter contains a brief description of sex between 2 consenting adults, one of which has learning difficulties. Please do not read if you think it will offend you.

It was late and the ER was reasonably quiet.

Jensen was examining a little girl’s hand; her fingers bruised from where she had caught it in her momma’s car door. She was being very brave and Jensen smiled at her momma reassuringly.

“I don’t think she’s broken anything,” he said, gently, “but we’ll send her down to X ray just to be sure.”

“Thank you.” Her momma breathed a sigh of relief and managed a weak smile back. Jensen watched as she lifted up her daughter and hugged her close; a warm feeling in his gut, the one he always got after doing a good job.

He left the cubicle to get a coffee figuring that he deserved a five minute break; he was on the late shift tonight and it would be six or seven am before he even got to think about getting home. He loved his job but times like these, the ass end of midnight, made him tired and edgy.

There was a sudden chaos in the hallway and Jensen turned quickly; two paramedics were wheeling a gurney towards one of the cubicles. The body on the gurney was still, too still, and a sheet had already been pulled up over the person’s head. Jensen swallowed; however often you saw it, death was still hard to deal with. 

There was a guy following the gurney; he was incredibly tall, well over six feet and his shaking shoulders were broad. Long, long legs were encased in shabby, blood-stained jeans and one of his track shoes was undone. He was crying, loudly, desperately, trying to reach out for the body on the gurney. Jensen noticed he was limping quite badly and he hurried down the hallway towards the guy, catching him by the arm.

“Hey,” he said, gently. “I’m a doctor and I think you might need examining.”

Wild hazel eyes turned towards him and a shaking hand came out to try and remove his hand. The guy’s long, chestnut hair hung messily into his eyes and there was a bruise on his face and a huge gash along his cheek. Blood dripped onto his t-shirt and his mouth was open in a distressed wail as he tried to pull away from Jensen.

“I need to go with my mom,” the man’s voice was deep yet child-like. “She needs me.”

Jensen made eye contact with one of the paramedics; the guy’s expression said it all and Jensen bit his lip and kept a tight grip on the tall man’s arm.

“The other doctors will take care of her,” he said, softly, “but you have a nasty cut there and it needs stitching. I’m sure your mom will manage without you for a minute.”

The guy stopped struggling then and his shoulders slumped.

“We had an accident in the car,” he said, randomly. “She banged her head and she – she closed her eyes. She’s sleeping, you know, but I can’t wake her up.”

Jensen’s throat hurt; he had been a doctor for years now but there were times when the job just got to him; he tugged the guy’s arm and moved them subtly towards the empty cubicle.

“What’s your name?” He gestured to the bed and the guy sat down on it without much urging. He looked terribly pale and the bruise on his face stood out against his white skin. Blood still seeped from the cut on his cheek too, and Jensen was pretty sure it would need stitches.

“Jared.” The guy swiped at his face smearing blood along the back of his hand. “Jared Tristan Padalecki.” He smiled a little. “I live just around the block.”

“Yeah.” There was something off here, something he couldn’t put his finger on. “What is your date of birth, Jared?”

“July 19th, 1982.” Jared slumped back against the pillow. “I-I feel really tired.”

“I’m going to call a nurse to help me out here and she will bring you some medicine.” Jensen sat down on the bed next to Jared. “We’ll clean up that cut and put a few stitches in it and I promise it won’t hurt or scar.” He patted Jared’s hand. “Don’t you worry.”

“Can I see my mom then?” There was innocence, confusion in Jared’s eyes and Jensen could see that he was close to tears. Going on Jared’s birth date he guessed that the guy had just turned twenty-nine but he acted more like one of the little kids that Jensen dealt with regularly. Jensen felt uneasy, wondering if he should call the hospital counselor.

“Sure,” Jensen said, finally, deciding to do the hard work first and, at least, clean Jared up. “You can see your mom then.”

“Okay.” Jared sat incredibly still; his eyes closed. Jensen cleaned the gash and prepped it for stitching, moving his hands over Jared’s face so that he could feel for other wounds. As he does so he sees the fading bruises on Jared’s cheeks and the faint tinge of yellow around one eye. He frowns then, running his hands under Jared’s messy hair, feeling him wince a little as his fingers hit several old bumps. It is obvious that these injuries are not from a car crash and Jensen’s mouth goes dry.

“Has anyone been contacted about you?” Jensen moves his hands from Jared’s hair and wipes them clean. “Your dad, perhaps.”

“No,” there is panic in Jared’s voice. “No, not daddy. Maybe my grandma.”

“Your dad will need to know about your mom,” Jensen tries to speak slowly, clearly, realizing now that there is really something very wrong with his new patient, something very wrong with the situation. “About your accident.”

“No!” Jared tries to shake his head but it is obvious that it is too painful for him to do so. “No, not daddy. Please, momma doesn’t want him to know.”

Jensen is stumped; he is an ER doctor not a specialist in mental disorders but he is sure that Jared isn’t quite right, that he needs help, needs someone who understands. He – subtly – pages Chris – one of the hospital counselors and then gets some anesthetic ready so that he can stitch Jared’s face. Jared is shaking and there are tears on his cheeks. He grabs Jensen’s hand for a moment and holds it tight.

“Don’t leave me,” he whispers, urgently. “Let me stay here with you.”

Jensen knows that it is wrong; knows it is unprofessional, knows he could lose his job but he nods and squeezes back, wanting only to protect, a sudden and fierce feeling that moves him down to his very core.

“I won’t leave you Jared,” he reassures. “I’ll make sure everything is okay and I promise I won’t leave you.”

“What’s your name?” Jared visibly relaxes then, eyes closing, the very effort of everything making him weak, confused.

“Jensen. I’m a doctor here, I’m gonna take care of you.”

“Jensen.” Jared smiles and Jensen sees dimples in those white cheeks. “I like you Jensen. Mom will like you too.”

And Jensen just wants to cry then; feeling hopeless, knowing that Jared will have to find out, eventually, that his mom has gone.

**** 

He finishes the stitches and carefully knots them off; in a few weeks they will dissolve by themselves. He usually tells the patient that but he keeps silent, watching Jared’s face for any clues, seeing nothing but confusion, pain and desperation. 

“I’m going to get a wheelchair and get a few X Rays now,” Jensen informs Jared, and Jared swallows visibly. “Just to make sure you are all in one piece.”

“Will you come with me?” There is such pleading in that voice that Jensen just nods without thinking. It is getting towards the end of his shift he figures and the ER is deadly quiet, they can spare him for an hour or two. He pats Jared’s arm and is about to say something else when the curtain opens and a cop appears in the doorway. He is fairly young, muscular with ebony skin and a warm, white smile. He nods to Jared who is – virtually – cringing trying to make his huge frame smaller, trying to hide.

“A few minutes Doctor,” the cop has a modulated voice and he speaks softly. “Just to chat.”

Jensen nods and steps out from the cubicle with a quick, reassuring smile at Jared. The cop pulls him over to the window and they both stand looking down at the parking lot, watching the ambulances come and go.

“The guy you have in there,” the cop begins, “he was brought in after a car wreck right?”

“So I gather, yes.” Jensen wonders what is going on but he leans in, suddenly weary, so that he can listen to what the cop has to say. “His mom – she was- it seems she was . . . .” He can’t bring himself to say it out loud. “I decided he needed treatment – he looks pretty banged up.”

“We have witnesses that say his mom was driving at 70 – maybe 80 – miles per hour in a built up area.” The cop’s face is wreathed in genuine sympathy. “Someone was chasing her they say, another car which we need to track down, we have reason to believe it was the woman’s husband.”

Jensen cannot think of a single thing to say; he stares out at the night again, still listening but not really processing.

“Jared is our one witness to what really happened and we are going to have to ask questions at some point. Seems there is no other family involved and he needs someone to take care of him at the moment. I know this is totally unprofessional and not at all procedure but would you be prepared to take responsibility for now? He could be admitted here I guess.”

“I have a counselor on the way,” Jensen said, finally. “He can assess Jared’s mental state, and as for staying here, we are a poor hospital officer – we offer aid to those without insurance, without proper cover. I doubt whether we could offer Jared a bed but . . . ,” he sighed, “I have a spare room and my shift ends in two hours. If he is well enough, I guess I could take him home for now.”

The officer smiled then and it was hard for him to hide his relief.

“Thank you Doctor,” he said. “I’ll be in touch very soon.” He held out his hand. “My name's Aldis by the way.” He handed Jensen a card. “This here is my cell number, call me if you need anything, anything at all.”

“Yeah.” Jensen shrugged, resigned. “You can count on it.”

****

Jared was shivering; the x ray guy – Tom – who Jensen knew very well, kept up a gentle, reassuring commentary as he got Jared to take off his shirt and sit on the gurney. Jensen watched as Jared pulled the shirt off and, for a moment, he thought he might be sick as he stared at Jared’s torso. His chest was covered in old bruises, nothing that could be blamed by the recent car crash but, instead, black and yellow marks, purple slashes, old brown bruises that looked both savage and painful. Not only that but there was cigarette burns all over Jared’s back and shoulders, a long gash down his side and several unidentified marks on his hip-bones. Jensen made eye contact with Tom who did the necessary X-rays as fast as possible, which allowed Jensen to come into the room and sit by Jared.

“Where did you get all those bruises – those marks?” Jensen put his arm, gently, around Jared’s shoulders, horrified and amazed in equal measures. Jared was huge, built, broad and muscular. Despite his, obvious, problems he looked more than capable and it was hard to see how anyone could have hurt him so badly.

“Daddy says they are necessary.” Jared bit his lip and searched, anxiously, for his shirt. “Because I’m a useless piece of shit,” he sounded so matter of fact that Jensen wanted to weep. “Because I tried to protect my mom when he – when he hit her, beat her with a skillet once cos she made the wrong kind of soup.”

“Jared.” Jensen swallowed back bile. He passed Jared his shirt and helped him back into it, not knowing what to say or do. “Jared, where is your dad now?”

“Don’t know.” Jared stared at him and Jensen could see the tears building, see the quivering in Jared’s lips. “He was chasing after us, made mom drive really fast. We hit a wall,” he sighed then and, without warning, leaned against Jensen burying his head into the juncture of Jensen’s neck and shoulder, his voice muffled as he spoke. “I’m not gonna' see mom again, am I?” he ground out, tears wetting Jensen’s scrubs, warm and damp against the skin of his neck. “She’s gone and I don’t know what to do, or where to go. My daddy thinks I’m shit because I’m not all there or so he says.” He gulped hard then and Jensen could feel him shaking, could feel the inevitable breakdown happening. “I want my mom,” Jared sobbed. “I want my mom.”

And all Jensen could do was hold him tightly and let him cry it out, knowing that when he was done crying there would be so much to do and say that he didn’t know where to begin.


	2. Chapter 2

“Nothing is broken.” Tom held Jared’s x-ray up to the machine so that Jensen could look at it. “But there are signs that he has had broken ribs in the past and they have gone untreated.” Tom looked sickened. “I can’t imagine the pain he must have been in,” he said, softly. “Or how he must have suffered.”

Jensen glanced over to the ER bed where Jared was now sleeping. His lashes fluttered on his pale cheeks and his mouth moved a little as if he were trying to say something. There was no reason to keep him here and Jensen decided that, once they had seen Chris, he would take Jared home. The police were looking for his dad and someone would have to sort out what arrangements to make for his mom, but the poor guy was worn and exhausted and he needed to sleep in a proper bed and maybe get some food inside of him. 

“Thanks.” He patted Tom on the shoulder. “We should report our findings to the cops,” he said. “This shouldn’t be allowed to continue.”

“What do we know about Jared?” Tom’s expression was kind.

“Not much. He is twenty-nine, and lives locally. I’ve got Chris looking into his case, see if we already have notes on the guy. He needs care that is for certain, but how much I don’t know. He mentioned a grandma earlier but the cops reckon he doesn’t have any other family. I don’t know what to do Tom. I can’t let him go home alone. I've offered to take him in for now but there is so much to think about.”

“Chris will help,” Tom sounded certain and sure. “He’s a great guy – he’ll help you, I’m sure of it.”

“Yeah.” Jensen couldn’t help but run a hand through Jared’s messy hair, stroking it comfortingly hoping that he could make things a little better at least for the time being. “I hope so cos I know one thing for definite - this poor guy needs as much help as he can get right now and we are the only ones who can give it to him.”

****

“Sorry, I got held up,” Chris whispered as he made his way over to the bed where Jared lay. Jared was half awake now and he looked at Chris through half-open eyes, tears easily visible on his dark lashes.

“S’okay.” Jensen sipped, yet another, cup of dark bitter coffee. He yawned and perched on the side of Jared’s bed. Instantly the younger man grabbed his hand and held it tightly, fingers damp with perspiration. “Jared,” he said, gently. “This is Chris, he is going to talk to you for a while and then we are going to go home and get you into a real bed. Okay?”

“Okay.” Jared’s smile was tremulous, unsure and he clutched Jensen’s hand like a lifeline.

“I’d like to do this without Jensen for a moment.” Chris was a small, open faced man with his long dark hair tied back into a pony-tail, his brown eyes kind, and nonthreatening.

Jared looked panicked, afraid and Jensen gave his hand a quick squeeze, reassuring him.

“I’ll go and get you a soda and a chocolate bar.” He was aware of talking to Jared as if he were a child and he felt guilty about it, felt wrong. Jared sat up in the bed and brushed long, greasy bangs from his eyes. Jensen took in – not for the first time – his broad shoulders and wide chest, his biceps bulging through the cotton of the hospital gown. He saw, again, the bruises on Jared’s face, old ones, black, purple, blue and he wondered how this could have happened.

“Alright.” Jared let go of his hand with some reluctance. “But don’t be too long, Jensen. Please." Hazel eyes met his, damp and pleading. “Don’t be too long.”

When he got back Jared was sitting on a chair by the bed and Chris was crouched beside him. Chris was talking softly and there was a tentative smile on Jared’s face despite the tear tracks on his cheeks. He looked up when Jensen entered and took the soda from him with a grateful smile.

“You finish your drink while I talk to Jensen,” Chris’s voice was firm but kind. “Then I think it will be time to go. Don’t worry about your momma, Jensen and me will sort somethin’ nice out and don’t worry about your daddy neither - he ain’t getting you on our watch.”

Jared nodded and took a gulp of the soda. He didn’t say anything but there was something in his eyes that made Jensen feel a little better. 

“So.” Chris sat them down on a couple of uncomfortable chairs just outside of ER. “How did you get yourself into this one?”

Jensen gave Chris a quick run-down; the other man nodded a bit and made a few notes in the book he had in his pocket.

“Jared Padalecki,” Chris began with a sigh. “From what I can gather he and his mom have been in every fucking ER from here to Dallas. The boy was born in San Antonio – normal and healthy from all accounts. Daddy was a property developer, mom a devoted housewife, then daddy’s business went down the pan and the drinking started. Mom was in ER on twelve different occasions that year and Jared – who was just ten at the time – was admitted to San Antonio medical center with a severe head trauma – mom said he fell down the stairs but medics believed differently. They could never get her to talk so it just went in his records as an accident. Caused massive brain damage; after that, the family moved and moved and moved. Seems like daddy has really done it this time though, don’t it?”

“Dear God.” Jensen shook his head. “How did you find this all out?”

“The mom’s medical records and Jared’s of course. I talked to him for a while, his eggs are scrambled man. Seriously damaged. There might have been room for improvement but his parents never went there. Mom was, obviously, scared shit-less of his father. Jared was in no mental state to defend her, although, his condition and what he has said, leads me to think he tried to defend her physically.”

“She’s dead.” It sounded awful, out there like that and Jensen shuddered. “He’s on his own.”

“We need to sort that out but for now the boy needs to go home, get some proper rest and food inside of him. You are a good guy Jensen. You have a lot of empathy for people, especially kids and this is one big kid. Take him home and we’ll talk again tomorrow, I’ll swing by around lunchtime. Okay?”

It wasn’t and Jensen wasn’t sure it ever would be but he nodded anyway, rubbing his face with his hands and praying that he could do this.

****

Jared was dog-tired; he leaned against Jensen with his head resting on Jensen’s shoulder. It was so late it was early and Jensen could see the sky begin to lighten into dawn, the stars retreating. He had managed to get the next few days off on compassionate leave and he was eternally grateful. He figured that they owed him as he hadn’t taken any time off for months and he also figured that Jared would need him more than the hospital would.

“Your home is nice.” Jared smiled, weakly, as he flopped down on Jensen’s old leather couch. “Really nice.”

Jensen grinned, wryly. His apartment was old and run down with thrown together, mismatching furniture and throw rugs that he had rescued from goodwill shops. He wondered how Jared had lived these past few years, wondered where he had lived but he knew that there would be a place and time for all of those questions and now wasn’t either. Jared looked pale, his hair was greasy and he smelt strongly of sweat.

“Would you like a bath?” Jensen urged. “I have a pair of sweats and an old sleep shirt you can change into. You look as if you need to sleep.”

“Yeah, thank you.” Jared yawned. “A bath sounds nice. My mom used to . . . ,” his voice trailed off and Jensen saw a tear thread its way down his cheek. “Chris said that you would sort things out, will you?” He reached over and grabbed Jensen’s hand again. “I want my mom,” he ground out, the pain obvious. “I want her.”

“Oh Jared.” Jensen sat down on the sofa next to his charge. He put his arm around Jared and pulled him close. Jared sobbed for a long time, wetting his shoulder, shaking with pain and exhaustion. Finally, Jensen got to his feet and went to run a bath. Jared watched him with weary, red-rimmed eyes. Jensen made sure the bath was just right, bubble bath making the water white with foam. Jared wobbled to his feet and began to take off his shirt, Jensen turned to go but Jared caught his wrist.

“Don’t,” he whispered, “don’t leave me. Stay, please.”

Jensen bit his lip; he wasn’t sure that this was a good idea, Jared was naked but for his boxers and Jensen was watching him again, a lump firmly wedged in his throat. Jared’s legs were slim and covered in the same purple, brown and black bruises as his chest and torso. His ankle was swollen and painful looking and there were, to Jensen’s horror, cigarette burns on his feet. Jensen had seen a lot as an ER doctor but he had never seen anything like this and he couldn’t even begin to imagine what sort of pain Jared had endured, might still endure.

“Can I get in?” Jared stripped himself of his boxers and Jensen averted his eyes as the younger man climbed into the water, suds covering his nakedness. Jared gave a sigh of contentment and Jensen couldn’t help but smile as he perched on the edge of the john and watched as Jared sank back in the tub and washed his face and hair. 

Afterwards, he got out and Jensen – eyes still averted – wrapped him in a warm and fluffy towel. Jared could barely stand now and his eyes kept falling half-mast. Jensen helped him to dress in the sweat pants and shirt and pulled back the covers for him. Jared’s hair was still damp, his face pink from the hot water. He smiled, weakly, at Jensen as he climbed into Jensen’s bed, murmuring again about how nice Jensen’s apartment was, how nice his bed was, how soft his sheets were. Jensen sat down on the bed and held Jared’s hand until he fell into a deep sleep; then he got into his own pajamas and curled up on the couch, a raggedy old blanket over his hips, too tired, too worn-out to even think about anything.

The sun was bright in his eyes when he awoke; the clock over his ancient fireplace told him that it was nearly noon and he rubbed his eyes trying to recall why he was sleeping on the couch. He rose stiffly and went into the bedroom to check on Jared. The younger man was on his back, arms flung wide, hair all over his face and sticking to his neck. The stitches on his face seemed to be healing perfectly and the bruises from the crash were fading. Jensen ran a tentative hand across Jared’s skin and was relieved to find it cool which meant no infection was setting in. Jared was fast off and he looked almost content. Jensen swallowed hard. He couldn’t bring himself to wake Jared when he looked so relaxed and he went back into his kitchen trying to decide what Jared might like to eat for his breakfast.

****

“Pancakes!” Jared smiled, bright eyed and alert for the first time since they met. “With maple syrup and sugar and everything.” The childlike delight made Jensen smile and he ladled more sticky syrup onto Jared’s plate. “My mom used to make pancakes.” Jared’s eyes go dark for a moment but there are no tears and for that Jensen is grateful. “But daddy said they were sickening,” he huffed and took a large swallow of his orange juice, the thick liquid trickling down his chin. “They aren’t though, Jensen – they are delicious.” He glanced at the clock and smiled, shyly. “It’s kinda like breakfast at lunch time isn’t it?” he asked as he put another chunk of pancake into his mouth. “I feel as if I have slept forever.”

Jensen smiled back; Jared was still wearing his night sweats and shirt and Jensen knew that his clothes weren’t suitable to wear again. He guessed that some of his stuff might fit Jared but Jared was thinner, taller, built in different places and Jensen didn’t have many casual clothes anyway.

“We might have to go shopping after Chris has been.” Jensen sat down at the table next to Jared. “If you are going to stay here for a while then you will need some clothes.”

“Am I going to stay here?” Jared’s eyes lit up and he grinned wide, dimples in full force. Jensen’s stomach clenched and he stroked Jared’s arm, gentle and reassuring.

“While things are sorted, yeah. Is that okay?”

“I like you Jensen,” Jared said, randomly. “You have nice eyes and a kind smile and your house is awesome.” He looked at his plate with a grin. “And you cook nice pancakes too,” he sighed. “I don’t have any money,” he mused, “for clothes.”

“We can sort it out.” Jensen squeezed Jared’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Thank you.” Jared’s eyes were dark again, his expression unreadable. “Thank you so much for being my friend.”

Jensen squeezed the broad shoulder under his hand a little tighter and realized that he meant every single word that he said right then, realized that he was doing this because he wanted to. He wanted to very badly.

“I’m glad we’re friends,” he said, finally. “You can count on me, Jared – you can count on me.”

And somehow that very statement made him feel warm inside, warmer than he had felt in a long, long time and maybe – maybe he needed this as much as Jared did.


	3. Chapter 3

Chris arrived just after they had finished their pancakes.

Jensen was washing up whilst Jared sat and watched cartoons; Chris was carrying a briefcase and he looked very serious something that made Jensen feel really, really uneasy.

“Hey,” Chris sat down on the sofa next to Jared. “You look better.”

“I had a good sleep.” Jared’s smile was tentative at best but Jensen noted that there were dimples and that made him feel better too. “And Jensen made me pancakes.”

“Sounds awesome.” Chris smiled again but Jensen knew him well enough to see that the smile was forced. “Jared, the cops have caught your dad. They have him in custody right now.”

“Oh.” Jared’s face was, suddenly, very pale and his eyes were over bright. “Oh . . . .”

“I’m sorry buddy.” Chris slung an arm around Jared’s shoulders and Jensen put down the dishcloth and came to sit on the other side of him. “You won’t be able to go home for some time and I need to know if you have any family.”

Jensen could feel Jared shaking beside him; feel the tremors as they ran through his body. He felt Jared’s hand sneak into his, long fingers curling tightly around his, clinging tight. There were tears on Jared’s cheeks and his mouth was quivering.

“My grandma lives in Dallas,” he said, finally. “But she hasn’t come to visit in years. She didn’t like my daddy and she told mom that she would have nothing to do with us.”

“I’m sorry.” Chris took in a deep breath and looked at Jensen, eyes pleading.

Jensen knew what the options were; if Jared had nowhere to go he would be put in an institution; Jensen had seen enough of those places to know how bad they could be, to know that Jared would hate it there, that it would be cruel to even consider letting him go. However, Jensen didn’t have a very big apartment and only one bedroom. He didn’t want to spend his nights (or days depending on his shift) on the sofa and he would find it hard to work and look after Jared at the same time. Chris must have read his mind or something because he seemed to have a solution before Jensen had even had the chance to open his mouth.

“The hospital are prepared to give you paid leave until Jared’s case comes up.” Chris had, obviously figured all this out. “We can – maybe – look into a pull-out bed or somethin’ so that Jared could stay here and you could both be comfortable.”

“Could I?” Jared was clinging impossibly harder to his hand. “Could I stay here with you? Its nice here, really nice, a-and I like you.” Hazel eyes pleaded with him and he knew, that to say no, would be like kicking a puppy.

“I guess we could give it a try.” Jensen was cornered and he knew it; Chris was grinning and Jared looked as if he was going to explode, smiling bigger and brighter and looking happier than Jensen had ever seen him.

“Excellent!” Chris got out his note pad and began to write. “We need to talk through a few things but it should be fairly straight forward.” He turned to Jared and said, “Do you have anything from home that you want?”

Jared shook his head; he looked sad again, eyes downcast, hands fiddling in the sweatpants that Jensen had loaned him.

“I don’t have too many clothes; daddy said I’m not allowed new things cos I’m a giant freak who grows out of everything or ruins things.”

Jensen and Chris exchanged glances and Jensen gave Jared’s hand a tiny squeeze.

“We can get you clothes but don’t you have any personal things?”

“No.” Jared shook his head. “Momma used to buy me toys but daddy stopped her and told her to save her money.” He shuddered. “Daddy used to make me help him – he did gardening or other physical works. He needed money for his things he used to say. I was strong and could lift things for him but when I couldn’t do it he used to . . . ,” his voice trailed off and his fingers plucked across his own skin, the blue and black bruises, the healing scratches. He didn’t need to speak, his silence spoke for him and not for the first time Jensen considered what sort of life Jared had led before this. The physical abuse alone was enough but the mental torture made it worse, alongside the lack of care, and the constant fear. He felt his heart aching for Jared’s poor mom, killed by the very man she feared.

“What made your mom finally decide to leave your dad?” Chris’s voice was gentle.

“H-he just kept kicking her, punching me and then he went for her with a knife. She just grabbed me and we ran, ran for the car and got inside. He saw us go and took off after us. We – I don’t know where she thought we could go – she just cried and cried. I hit my head.” Jared’s thoughts again turned random. “When I opened my eyes the ambulance was there and my mom was asleep. She isn’t going to wake up I know that now and they are gonna put her in a box under the ground and it is all my daddy’s fault. My fault really. I-I should have been braver.”

Jensen could taste salt in the back of his throat and he watched Chris wipe at his eye with the sleeve of his jacket. There was no way he could let Jared down after this, no way he was going to let Jared try and fend for himself. He wanted Jared to be happy for once in his life, wanted Jared to have all the things that guys of his age usually had, and took for granted really. He slung an arm around Jared’s shoulder and hugged him close.

“You’ve been brave enough,” he whispered. “Now it’s time for someone else to take care of you and that someone is going to be me.”

****

It was warm enough for Jensen to lend Jared a pair of cargo pants and a longish tee-shirt. The clothes fit okay but Jensen figured that Jared needed his own stuff, something he liked, something he had always wanted. Chris had managed to get Jensen a budget of sorts and Jensen hadn’t questioned from who, so he had a little money to spend just on Jared. As well as clothes they needed a sofa-bed and, perhaps, a few more little luxuries and there was also the issue of Jared’s poor mom. She needed a decent send-off and Jensen wanted to do something, wanted to make it as painless as possible for Jared, knowing that it was something that was going to break Jared and Jensen figured that Jared had, no doubt, had enough at this point and needed some time to get his head around what had happened; to recover from the car crash and from his other injuries. Jensen figured that, once Jared got better, he would never have to suffer abuse at the hands of his father again and Jensen hoped, deep down, that Jared would never even have to see his father anymore, and that that part of Jared’s life was over and done with.

The mall was crowded but Jensen found a place to park easily enough; they had breakfast at Denny’s (something Jared had never done before) and then started shopping in earnest. Jared was quiet, nervous and a little skittish, virtually clinging to Jensen’s jacket sleeve, never letting him out of his sight. It was odd; sad almost that someone as big and as capable as Jared was so scared of everything and Jensen wished that things could have been different for the younger man.

 

They found a shop that stocked clothes for taller men; when measured, Jared stood just over 6ft 5 inches and he was built. The young girl who helped them was, clearly, enamored with Jared, chatting to him as if she had known him all her life. Despite his shyness and nerves, Jared was friendly enough and the girl didn’t seem to notice that some of his replies were child-like and a little random. The girl brought armfuls of tee-shirts, shirts and jeans, boxes with shoes in them, trainers, boots and formal shoes. Jared stared at them with wide, disbelieving eyes and Jensen took pleasure in Jared’s reaction, helped Jared so he could try on everything that the girl brought for him, ignoring any odd looks he got, determined that nothing would spoil the day.


	4. Chapter 4

Jared stood in front of the mirror smiling, tentatively, at his own reflection. Jensen couldn’t help but smile with him; seeing the pleasure on his face, the wonder in his eyes.

The jeans they had chosen fit him perfectly; flaring out over suede boots and held at his waist by a brown leather belt. The tee-shirt he had chosen was blue and bought out that color in his eyes. He rubbed a shaking hand across his chest and sighed.

“I don’t look like me,” he said, finally.

Jensen had to agree; they had selected a wardrobe fall of clothes and quite a few pairs of shoes or boots. Jensen had also insisted on a hair-cut and now Jared’s chestnut hair flicked around his jaw, covering his ears and some of the more noticeable scars and bruises. He looked so much better, handsome even and Jensen was pleased at Jared’s simple pleasure.

“You look good,” Jensen said, gently, “the girls will be flocking soon enough.”

It was a flippant remark but Jared colored red almost instantly; he shook his head.

“Daddy said I was too ignorant to be of any use to anyone,” he said, almost as if he had learned the insult from rote. “No girl is gonna be interested in me.”

Jensen felt sick to his stomach; Jared’s dad had abused him not just physically but mentally and it was no surprise that the poor guy was damaged in just about every way. He had nothing, no confidence, and no self-esteem. His whole life had been ruled by pain and suffering and Jensen wanted to change that but he knew that these things wouldn’t happen overnight and that it was going to take more than a few hours of counseling and some nice clothes to make it right.

“He was wrong.” Jensen patted Jared’s arm. “You have a lot to offer.”

“What about you Jensen?” Jared’s mind had the tendency to wander. “Do you have a girl?”

 

Jensen’s heart stuttered in his chest and he was rendered speechless for a moment, wondering what he could say. He was gay, he had always been gay and he was out and proud, all of his friends aware and accepting. He had had several partners in his life and he was happy enough to be single at this moment in time but he wasn’t sure if he could say any of this to Jared; Jared wasn’t a child but he was an innocent, pure and simple. His education, his upbringing, his very existence had been blighted by abuse, ignorance and cruelty and Jensen was pretty sure that Jared wouldn’t or couldn’t understand.

“No.” He settled for a gentle smile, a soft denial. “Never met a girl I really liked that much, yet.”

“Oh – I’m sure you will.” Jared’s gaze was fond. “You are so kind Jensen and you make awesome pancakes and you know just what jeans make me look right,” he laughed, softly. “There has to be a girl for you, Jensen.”

Jensen’s throat hurt and his stomach was warm; he put his arm around Jared and gave him a quick squeeze.

“We should pay for these clothes and get going,” he said, finally, “it’s nearly dinner time and I’m hungry – how about you?”

Jared’s eyes lit up as if someone had offered him the moon and he nodded, excitedly.

“Starving,” he said, finally. “Can we get burgers?”

“Yeah.” Jensen would, at that moment, gladly give him the moon if he wanted to eat it. “We can get burgers.”

****

They got home late and exhausted but Jensen was sure that Jared had never been so happy in his life. The younger man was smiling even as Jensen helped him out of his new clothes and into bed, talking nonsense really about what they might do tomorrow, how they had to go out and choose a sofa bed and maybe some more furniture, how Jensen might take Jared to a baseball game or maybe to the zoo. Jared nodded Yes to everything, grinning widely as he took it all in. Already his eyelids were drooping and Jensen tucked him in, slowly, gently, watching as Jared fell into a contented sleep. His bruises were fading; they were barely visible now and the scar on his cheek where Jensen had sewed up the gash was healing nicely. Ribs and torso were still marked but not so noticeably, his legs getting better, his whole body reacting positively to the sudden lack of abuse.

There was still a long way to go; there was his mom’s funeral to sort out for a start and Jensen knew that was going to be difficult. There was the fact that Jared’s dad would have to face trial for what he had done and that Jared would, most certainly, be asked to testify. There was the glaring fact that Jensen wasn’t working and that – eventually – he would have to return. He had no idea what was going to happen to Jared but he was already over invested in the younger man and he couldn’t let him go, couldn’t let them take him away. It was like having a child but a big one, a handsome one if Jensen was honest. There was something so sweet about Jared, something that made Jensen feel warm inside. Jared was one of the nicest, most innocent person that Jensen had ever known and he was amazed that someone of Jared’s size and strength hadn’t ever cracked and turned on the man who had hurt him so fucking badly. Jared deserved some love and affection and Jensen wanted to give it to him. Jared wasn’t a child, he was a man and Jensen hoped that they could be equals eventually. He didn’t mind being Jared’s carer but he really wanted to be Jared’s friend.

****

Chris came around regularly; today he was here to help with the funeral arrangements. Jensen noted that Chris couldn’t stop staring at Jared and he nudged the older man with his elbow.

“Stop that, you’ll freak him out.”

“He looks . . . damn, Jensen! What have you been feeding him? He looks good.”

“Just nights of undisturbed sleep, lots of fresh air and no beatings.” Jensen could see the sadness in Chris’s face as he came to the realization. “How are things going?”

“The trial date is set for three months time. The hospital has agreed that you can take the time off and also agreed to pay you in full and reimburse you for any inconvenience.” He shrugged. “You are doing the system a favor, you know, by looking after him, by taking care of him like this.”

“He’s not exactly a hardship.” Jensen bit his lip as they watched Jared watching cartoons in the ‘den’ as Jensen liked to call the little bit of space he had given Jared as his own. “He’s not really a kid, even if he thinks, and sometimes ,behaves like one.”

“I know.” Chris nodded. “But he has sustained so much damage he isn’t ever going to be normal, isn’t ever going to be able to do a job, or lead a ‘normal’ life.”

“I know.” Jensen swallowed back bitter bile. “But he is entitled to some sort of life and I won’t see him in an institution.”

“Are you going to keep him?” Chris glanced back to where Jared was laughing now, real genuine laughter with dimples and teeth.

“He isn’t a stray dog,” Jensen muttered.

“I know that, but you would have to be made his guardian officially. I guess the courts wouldn’t argue.”

“Maybe not,” Jensen sighed. “But I have to work and – he will need care.”

“We can arrange all that – maybe even arrange for him to get some schooling. According to his file he stopped attending after the accident – guess his dad moved around too much for him to bother with education.”

“I think he would like that,” Jensen watches Jared; the feelings he has aren’t paternal and he can’t put a name to them. He sighs as he realizes just how embroiled in Jared’s life he has become and Chris pats his arm, understanding.

“You are bound to feel something,” he drawls out, finally. “You are invested Jensen and you are gonna continue to be invested. The guy’s life has been shit and only really cruel people wouldn’t want to make things better for him. You should just let your heart go where it wants to go – you over think things – always have.”

“Thanks Counselor,” Jensen snorted unable to hold back the laughter. “I’ll be expecting your bill fairly shortly.”

“Yeah.” Chris grinned back. “I bill by the hour, bitch, so suck it up.”

Jensen went back to watching Jared; eyes soft and gentle. It was, he mused, all worth it, definitely worth it.

****

It was raining the day they buried Jared’s mom; the younger man clung to Jensen weeping piteously, all snot, tears and shaking. Jensen could only hold him, and comfort him the only way he knew how. This was, possibly, the hardest thing he had ever done in his life and he didn’t know what else TO do. Chris stared at his boots and Jensen felt utterly miserable, particularly as they were the only three people there to see Jared’s mom off, no other family or friends. Jared’s dad – the total bastard – had sent flowers but it was too little, too late and Jensen knew that Jared’s dad was just trying to curry favor with the police, and the courts, to make sure he looked like a grieving husband. Jensen hadn’t had anything to do with Jared’s mom’s postmortem but he was pretty sure that if her body was in the same state as her poor son’s had been, Jared’s dad wasn’t going to come off as anything other than a monster.

****

Afterwards they went to McDonalds; Jared was quiet, too quiet and his face was pale, skin milk white, hazel eyes dark and lost. Jensen sat next to him on the imitation leather chair and kept a securing hand on his wrist. Jared couldn’t seem to meet his eye, hadn’t said a word since they had left home that morning, hands shaking as he reached out to take the drink Chris offered him. It was a milkshake but Jensen wished it was whiskey.

****

Jared was in his pajamas and curled up on the sofa; his eyes were red and his mouth wobbled. Jensen crouched down next to him, patted his knee, forced a smile.

“Who is gonna care for me now?” Jared’s voice was rough, tear-filled. “I can’t go home."

“I’m taking care of you, Jared.” Jensen squeezed Jared’s knee then. “Remember, we have the den and we bought a nice sofa bed for you. You are living here.”

“Not forever,” Jared sounded so bleak, so lost. “I know where they will take me, where I will end up.”

“No.” Jensen shook his head then. “No, Jared. You are going to stay here with me - maybe I’ll get a bigger place and you can go to school. Maybe we can even get a dog or a cat.” He swallowed hard, hoping it wasn’t a lie. “I want you to stay with me, Jared. I want you to.”

“Jensen.” Faint dimples indicated the first smile of the day. “Really?”

“Yeah, Jared, really.” At that moment Jensen knew the warm tingle in his gut was something more than protectiveness or pity. It was love.


	5. Chapter 5

What he had told Jared was true; he did look for somewhere bigger to live.

He liked his apartment but it was a bachelor pad for one at best and, despite the fact he had bought the bed and a few other things there just wasn’t enough room for two grown men to live comfortably.

He took Jared to meet his parents; it was a holiday weekend, nearing 4th July, and the weather was wonderful, the sky blue, the sun hot on their faces as they drove down to Jensen’s parent’s ranch. His mom and dad were good people, Christians but not closed off from the world. They had accepted his sexuality and were proud of what he had achieved. He had rung them to tell them about Jared, and Jensen's mom – soft hearted as she was – had invited them down. On the journey Jensen told Jared about the horses, the sheep and the cattle, about his momma’s cooking and the fact that she always made too much food. He told him about the mongrel dog that had just had puppies and about the rogue sheep who somehow escaped going to market. Jared sat and listened with eyes that were wide and full of wonder. A month away from his abusive father and he was blossoming in ways that Jensen hadn’t imagined. He looked better, face filling out, the shadows under his eyes fading away, his skin growing more tanned, the bruises and scars no longer marring its surface.

Jensen had to admit that Jared was a beautiful person, inside and out. There was no guile in him, no malice. He had been thrust into a world of hurt and not through his own fault and now, now Jensen wanted to give him the world, wanted to give him everything and anything to make him happy.

Jared was speechless as they drove up the long, dusty drive that led to the ranch. The fields surrounding them were full of corn and the ones closer to the big, red bricked building were full of cattle. Three horses grazed in a tiny paddock and several dogs began to bark as Jensen pulled the car up outside of the door and grinned as he saw his mom waiting for them on the porch.

Donna Ackles was tall and elegant, pressed shirt and clean dark blue denims encased a slim figure, her greying hair swept back into a plait at the back of her head. She waved and smiled as Jensen got out of the car and she hugged him tight, telling him how thin he seemed, asking him if he had been eating and everything. When he managed to extricate himself from her grasp he gestured that Jared come forward.

Jared looked shy all of a sudden, head low, eyes hidden beneath too long bangs. His cheeks were flushed pink, his mouth curved into a half smile that gave him dimples. Donna gave a little sigh and moved forward suddenly grabbing Jared and pulling him into a hug, holding him close despite the awkward height difference between them.

“Jensen has told me a lot about you,” Donna said, finally, when she let Jared go. “I guess you must be hungry after that long drive.”

“Yes – um – I am.” Jared seemed phased, confused by the sudden affection. Jensen’s heart clenched as he realized that Jared no longer had a mom, that Jared hadn’t ever really had a family as such. As always – in regard to Jared – he tried to imagine what things had been like for him, tried to imagine how starved of affection he was, how it must be to spend every waking day in fear and pain. “Thank you, Mrs . . . um… thank you.”

“Call me Donna.” Jensen’s mom led them through the cluttered hall and into the massive dining area. Dogs barked and wriggled under their feet, Jensen bending to pat them, Jared staring at them open-mouthed, his eyes wide.

“It’s okay,” Jensen whispered, squeezing his bicep. “They are real friendly dude, they won’t bite.”

Jared dropped to his knees and opened his arms; the smallest of the dogs, Icarus, threw himself into Jared’s grasp, rough tongue on his face and neck. Jared laughed, unrestrained and Jensen felt his own mouth curve into a smile, always happy when Jared was happy, realizing how stupidly in love he actually was.

Love – it was something odd and unexpected and something Jensen didn’t quite know how to handle. Jared might be child-like but he was a grown man. However he was innocent of a lot of things and Jensen didn’t know what, if anything, he knew about relationships, or about physical affection. The only people Jared had seen interact had been his parents and part of that relationship had been violent and scary. Jensen didn’t want to scare Jared nor did he want to enter into any sort of relationship without talking to Chris first. He knew his feelings of love might be reciprocated but he didn’t know what sort of relationship they might – eventually – have. Jared didn’t treat him like a father figure and it was obvious that Jared needed and relied on him but whether this could become something more, something better, remained to be seen.

****

Jensen had been unprepared to Jared’s reaction to his dad; Alan Ackles was bluff and taciturn but kind hearted and Jensen loved him dearly. Jared, however, was so nervous around him that it made Jensen sad to see it, made his throat ache and his eyes sting. His dad seemed confused, unable to know how to handle Jared. Jared had become clingy all of a sudden, leaning in against Jensen, hands clutched in his shirt. Jensen hated the fact that Jared was scared and he was determined to do something about it before it ruined their weekend, a weekend that had started so promisingly.

Jared was on his bed; Donna had given him a lovely room with a view of the paddock so that Jared could see the acres of cornfield and the glossy horses that tossed their manes and galloped about in the sunshine. Jensen saw how much Jared’s shoulders were shaking and he put his hand in the small of Jared’s back, stroking him comfortingly.

“My dad won’t hurt you, Jared,” he said, gently. 

Jared rolled on to his back and Jensen saw the tears streaming down his cheeks.

“I – my dad was like this when strangers came – when the police came. He used to dress up in smart clothes, used to make them coffee, laugh with them. They didn’t believe us when we told them what he did to us and when they went away he used to hurt us more.” Jared wiped his eyes. “He always hurt us,” he said with a sob.

****

It took a while to calm Jared down but he did it and he felt a sense of relief when Jared stopped crying; staring at him with red rimmed eyes.

“My dad would never hurt you Jared,” Jensen repeated, “and he would never hurt me. He – not all dads are the same.”

Jared sniffed; he nodded and wiped at his face.

“I’ve been a baby,” Jared mumbled. “I always spoil things through being a baby, daddy says so.”

“No Jared.” Jensen didn’t want to touch that one with a ten foot pole. “Jared – you aren’t a baby, you aren’t. I understand, okay.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Jared sat up. “Your daddy – he – he won’t be mad?”

“No, Jared, he won’t be mad, he understands.” Jensen put his hands on Jared’s shoulders and brushed gentle lips across his forehead. Jared’s eyelids flickered closed and he sighed, leaning into Jensen, his whole body limp with relief. They stayed like that for a long time, Jensen’s stomach clenching and unclenching, Jared buried in his chest, long fingers plucking at Jensen’s shirt.

“Why don’t we just go and have some dinner with my mom and dad and then dad will take us to see the puppies,” Jensen spoke softly as if he was dealing with a child and he felt bad for doing it. His heart told him that Jared wasn’t a child, he was a man but his head told him that he had a long way to go before he could treat Jared like a ‘normal’ grown-up, a long hard road ahead of him and it hurt. It hurt to see just how difficult it was going to be.

“Puppies?” Jared’s voice was steadier now, more hopeful. “There are puppies?”

“Yeah big guy – there are puppies.” Jensen swallowed down pain and anguish and he slowly let Jared go, wondering, for the first time if he was really doing the right thing, wondering if he could cope with caring for Jared, with loving Jared and not really having that love returned in the way he wanted it. He wouldn’t be able to even contemplate another relationship whilst he was Jared’s carer, wouldn’t be able to work much, would have very little social life, be unable to live a completely ‘normal’ life. He didn’t want to be a carer, he wanted to be a friend and – maybe one day – far into the future – a lover but now he had had a strong reality check and he didn’t like it at all.


	6. Chapter 6

The puppies in the barn were only a few days old and so tiny.”

Jensen watched as Jared dropped to his knees and stroked a trembling finger over the tiny heads, his eyes bright.

“They are so small.” Hazel eyes looked up into his and he knew – without question – what was coming next. “I didn’t think I liked dogs but I do Jensen – I do.” Jared bent over and cupped his hand gently around the smallest of the puppies, a little, black bundle of fur. “I like this one,” he whispered.

The puppies were mongrels and wouldn’t grow that big; Jensen was already trying to decide whether it would fit into his apartment, wanting only to please Jared, to give him things he never thought he would have.

“He is too young to leave his mom right now,” Jensen chose his words carefully. “But I guess we could take him when he is old enough. I know my dad doesn’t want to keep them all.”

“Do you think your dad would let me have one?” Jared’s face was full of hope, of longing. “I wasn’t very nice to him, was I?”

“Of course he will.” Jensen knelt down next to Jared and put a hand on his broad shoulder. “He understands, Jared – we all do.”

“I let him hurt me.” Jared ran his fingers though the puppy’s soft fur, a tear trickling down his cheek. “I let him hurt momma too. I wasn’t a very good son.”

“You were a great son, Jared.” Jensen’s grip tightened on Jared’s shoulder. “Anyone in that position would have been scared – I would have been.”

“Your brain works properly.” Jared turned so that he was facing Jensen; his face pale, his cheeks red. “Mine doesn’t – hasn’t since my accident.” He bit his lip. “If I could think better then I might have been able to do something, might have saved my momma but I couldn’t Jensen, I couldn’t save her.”

“She knew you loved her Jared and she knew that you cared about her.” Jensen pulled Jared closer. “You did all you could.”

“I want to see him punished.” Jared rubbed at his face and looked Jensen in the eye; his hands were shaking but he looked determined. “For what he did to momma and to me.”

“He is going to court Jared and you will be able to talk to the judges and the jury about him.”

“I’m scared.” Jared shook his head. “Scared he will hurt me.”

“No Jared – they won’t let him hurt you – not anymore. I won’t let him hurt you either, I’ll protect you Jared.”

There was silence for a moment and then Jared leaned forward and put his trembling hands on Jensen’s shoulders, burying his head into the juncture of Jensen’s neck. Jensen felt warmth spread through his body and he lowered his own hands, wrapping his arms around Jared’s waist and pulling him closer.

“You are so good to me Jensen,” Jared whispered, light and soft against his ear. “You are so good to me.”

“You deserve it Jared.” Jensen’s mouth was close to his ear. “You deserve it so much.”

“Jensen, I think that I lo. . . .” Jensen’s heart thundered at the sound of Jared’s voice and he shook his head, putting his finger across Jared’s lips.

“I know,” Jensen swallowed hard. “I know Jared.”

Jared smiled then and Jensen felt him move subtly, his mouth suddenly against Jensen’s cheek, his lips brushing across the high-bone beneath Jensen’s eyes, his fingers coming up to tangle in Jensen’s short hair. Jensen was holding his breath without realizing, his heart hammering so loud he was positive that Jared must be able to hear it. Jared moved again and his lips were pressed hard against Jensen’s, taking the older man’s breath away.

Jensen felt Jared’s lips against his; they were dry, the kiss chaste in the extreme, Jared’s arms tightening on his waist. For a moment Jensen froze, wondering what to do next. His heart was thundering and his mouth was dry. Jared’s hands were shaking; his face hot, cheeks flushed and pink.

“Jensen,” Jared broke the kiss to say his name and Jensen was, momentarily, lost. He tugged Jared closer, caught his lower lip with his finger and opened his mouth so that they were kissing in earnest, his tongue tangling with Jared’s, catching the moan that left Jared’s mouth. For a moment they remained like that, lips locked, tongues dancing. Jensen kept his body resolutely away from Jared’s, thought of everything, anything that would keep him in control, stop him from growing hard. He didn’t want this, didn’t want to rush things, but right here, right now, he couldn’t stop himself and he held on and deepened the kiss, giving and receiving, damning the consequences.

Finally, they broke apart and Jared was panting, his hair all over the place, his mouth swollen, and his eyes bright.

“That was nice,” he said, softly, his fingers tracing his own lips, tongue sneaking out to lick them as if he could still taste Jensen. “That is what people who love each other do, isn’t it?”

“Yeah Jared.” Jensen pulled away and concentrated on the puppies again, heart pounding hard and fast in his chest. “That is what people who love each other do.” He smiled. “I know how I feel about you Jared and I’m pretty sure I know how you feel about me but we have to take it real slow do you understand? Keep it a secret from my mom and dad until we can talk to Chris about it.”

“It is okay though, isn’t it?” Jared sounded unsure, face still flushed, eyes hopeful. “For me to love you?”

Jensen’s heart leapt; he wanted to answer Jared, wanted to say yes but he couldn’t get the words out, couldn’t bring himself to give Jared hope when there might not be any, reluctant to commit to anything even though he desperately wanted more, needed more.

“I think so Jared,” it sounded so lame and weak and Jared’s eyes filled instantly making Jensen feel low and guilty. “Everything is really messy at the moment,” he continued and realized that he wasn’t helping, watching the tears thread their way down Jared’s pink cheeks, and hang damply on his lashes only to fall and catch on his trembling lips. “God Jared,” he managed to choke out before his own tears came. “I love you so much.”

And it was out there now and there was no taking it back; Jared’s face lit up and he plunged forward again, kissing and kissing, holding Jensen’s face in his hands, his whole body shaking.

“No one but my momma ever loved me,” Jared said, finally, when they broke apart again. “No one but my momma has ever kissed me,” he sighed. “I know that I’m not clever or bright, I know that I have a long way to go but I – I want us to kiss again Jensen and – and . . . .” He flushed puce and Jensen couldn’t help but smile, reaching out and bringing Jared closer, holding him tight, knowing that things were moving fast, maybe too fast but there was no stopping it now. “And I want us to do more,” Jared concluded and Jensen felt warmth blossom throughout his body. “I want you to teach me Jensen,” Jared continued and Jensen knew he was doomed. “I want you to teach me everything.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sexual situation – if this may disturb you, move on – definitely not non-con though.**

“He wants me to teach him things, Chris.”

Jensen felt the blood flush through his system and settle in his cheeks making them feel hot. He was looking at his fingers as if they were something fascinating and he didn’t know what else to do.

It was early; they only got back from his parents yesterday and Jared was tired out. Jensen had put him to bed with a kiss and a promise of a really good breakfast involving pancakes and he had been asleep ever since. Jensen had wondered if the weekend had been too much for Jared, worried about Jared’s reaction to his dad, worried about their kissing session in the barn and yet, deep down, wanting more, so much more.

“I’m not surprised,” Chris’s voice was soft, understanding and Jensen let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “He trusts you and he relies on you. It isn’t surprising that he has grown to love you. You have given him love and affection, more than anyone else he has ever known, of course he loves you.”

“It was awkward.” Jensen rubbed his burning face. “He was scared of my dad at first but he got better over the weekend. I have promised him a puppy and we are going back for him in a month’s time. I – he kissed me, Chris and I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t want to, to be honest.” Jensen swallowed. “I want to have a relationship with him. I don’t just want to be his carer but I am scared, scared that it might be too much too soon.”

“He has issues, sure, and his brain injury isn’t going to go away or suddenly get better over-night but, in the eyes of the law, he is an adult with an adult’s needs and wants. Lots of people in his position have relationships and lots of them have physical relationships too.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Jensen.” Chris leaned forward and gripped his chin, forcing Jensen to look at him. “You aren’t a fool. You are a doctor and a really good man and you have been fantastic as far as Jared is concerned. If you hadn’t had taken him in he would have ended up in a home and he might not have gotten any better. Look at him now, healthy, happy, putting on weight, being more independent and that is all down to you. If he wants you to teach him then teach him, you aren’t stupid, you know how slow or how fast to go.”

“What about the trial?”

“Two weeks away and the police want that bastard to be sent down for a long, long time. It isn’t going to be easy because Jared is our principal witness and things are not going to go smoothly for him. I will help him get his testimony together and we have hospital reports from you and the other hospitals that have treated Jared over the years,” Chris sighed. “The reading isn’t pleasant Jensen.”

“After the trial I will need to go back to work.” Jensen bit his lip. “I don’t want to leave him but I can’t stay off forever.”

“We can arrange a carer for him but I’m not sure he will want that. I could maybe look into getting him a job, something he could do even if it is just part-time. It is my job you know to do those things and I have colleagues who are able to help out too. We have Jared’s best interests at heart Jensen and we are all on your side.”

“That makes me feel so much better.” Jensen smiled, weakly, wanting to hug Chris just for, simply, understanding. “Maybe we can get this guy’s life back on track now, give him everything he has been missing.”

“I think you have already started to do that Jensen,” Chris laughed. “You are such a sap and it is so obvious how much you love him.” He shrugged. “That’s all he wants or needs Jensen, love and lots of it, everything else – well – that is gonna be the hard part.”

****

Jared pushed the remains of his breakfast around his plate; it was Saturday and Jensen had promised himself a lazy day doing things together, maybe a trip to the zoo if the weather was fine enough or even a drive to the beach. Instead, he was looking at Jared’s pale face and red-rimmed eyes and wondering what the hell had happened.

“Do you feel sick?” Jensen reached across the table and put his hand over Jared’s knuckles, stroking them gently and affectionately. “You haven’t eaten much.”

“M’okay.” Jared didn’t look at him and it was obvious his statement was a lie. Jensen wondered if Jared was nervous about the upcoming trial or if there was something else bothering him. Since Chris’s visit over a week ago Jensen had been happy at the way things were going. He had spent time with Jared, the two of them doing really ‘normal’ things like housework and shopping. They hadn’t done anything too physical and had stuck to kissing, an affectionate peck on the cheek or a hug and the brush of lips and Jared had appeared more than content yet today, today things seemed to have changed.

“Jared,” Jensen coaxed, hating when he had to talk to Jared as if he were a child. “Jared, tell me the truth.”

“I thought. . . .” There was a red flush across the high bones of Jared’s cheeks. “I thought maybe that we were more than friends Jensen but I think maybe I was wrong.”

“Jared.” It was clear what Jared was getting at and Jensen felt his heart pounding hard in his chest as he stared at the younger man, breath catching in his throat. “We _are_ more than friends but . . . .”

“You talked to Chris, I know you did.” Jared rubbed at his face. “It is okay, isn’t it? I want you to do more than kiss me.”

Jensen got up from the table and walked over to the window; the sun was shining and it looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. Behind him he heard Jared’s chair scrape back, heard the slow pad of Jared’s bare feet on the wooden tiles, felt big hands grip his shoulders. Jared was big and strong and Jensen could feel the strength of him, the new muscle that Jared had laid down since coming here to live with Jensen. He turned around and Jared’s arms gripped him tightly, holding him so very close. Jared breathed in hard and nuzzled Jensen’s neck. Jensen felt himself begin to grow hard and he sighed, letting Jared hold him, letting Jared pull him closer. This was it, Jensen mused, distantly as he pulled at Jared’s hands and moved them, slowly, towards the bedroom. Jared went obediently, cheeks still flushed, eyes bright and wondering.

When they got to the bed Jensen sat Jared down on it and moved so that he could sit next to the younger man. Jared was still flushed but also shaking and he drew in a deep breath as Jensen undone his shirt buttons and pulled the garment off his shoulders. Then Jensen worked on the belt of his jeans, tugging it free of the loops and Jared got it, standing so that he could undo his jeans and pull them off taking his white boxers with him so that he was naked in front of Jensen.

There were no bruises on Jared’s body now but Jensen could still see the fading scars of abuse. He reached out and ran his hand over a long white mark on Jared’s hipbone, his fingers caressing it. Jared stared down at him through sweaty bangs, his mouth quivering. He was already half hard and he didn’t seem to know what to do so Jensen pulled him down yet again and pushed him back on the bed so that his head hit the pillows with a gentle thump. Jensen wrapped his fingers around Jared’s cock and hoped that this was the best thing to do. If he made a mistake now then Jared might not ever trust him again and he wanted, God he wanted, to do this right. Jared was breathing hard through his mouth, little huffing sounds, a guttural, _‘uh-uh-uh’_ that just served to make Jensen harder, feel more turned on. Jared’s hands were flailing and Jensen tugged them so that they rested on his waist. He was still fully dressed and as hard as nails but this was about Jared now and what Jared wanted and needed. Jared’s cock hardened in his hand, pre-come leaking from the tip and wetting Jensen’s fingers and wrist. Jensen stroked it reverently, this was something precious and – hopefully – something good. Jared seemed to think so, as his hips were bucking in time with the grunts and whimpers he was making and he lifted his head, teeth catching in Jensen’s shoulder as he came with a cry, warm liquid flooding over his stomach and Jensen’s shirt, his orgasm seemingly endless whilst Jensen soothed him through it with soft touches and whispered words of affection.

Afterwards, they lay on the bed silent; Jared’s panting breaths the only sound in the room. Jensen was so hard it was almost painful but he couldn’t touch himself yet, could only lie there and hold Jared tightly in his arms hoping upon hope that Chris had been correct in what he said and that Jensen had done the right thing.


	8. Chapter 8

“So.” Chris opened the bottle of beer that Jensen handed him and took a large swallow. “How’s it going?”

Jensen felt the heat flush along his cheekbones and wished he could stop fucking blushing. Beside him Jared was smiling, dimples deep in his cheeks. He moved a little closer to Jensen and put a big, possessive hand on his knee. Jensen looked at Chris and caught the counselor's obvious amusement.

“Okay,” Chris grinned. “I can see things are going just fine. How are you doin' Jared? Is Jensen looking after you?”

Jared nodded; he moved, impossibly, closer to Jensen and stroked his fingers along the seam of Jensen’s jeans. Jensen felt himself grow half hard and his cheeks flushed even redder; it was alright – he mused – taking things slowly for Jared’s sake but he was going to implode soon if Jared didn’t stop touching him.

“Yeah.” Jared was smiling even wider and, despite the dimples, he looked almost wicked. “He is.”

“Good.” Chris finished off his beer. “You are looking so much better Jared and I know that Jensen is pleased with your progress but -,” he sighed then and Jensen knew what was coming. He put his hand over Jared’s and squeezed it gently, giving comfort before Jared even knew he needed it. “We have to talk about your dad’s trial, Jared.”

Jensen actually felt all the joy and mischief go out of Jared, felt his shoulders slump, his body tremble. Jensen’s heart ached for Jared and he wanted Chris to go away, to take his words back. He wanted to go to bed with Jared, to touch him again and to hold him, to make him moan. Jared moved closer to him and, all of a sudden, he was like a child again, needy and frightened and Jensen just wanted to weep.

“I don’t want to do it,” Jared’s voice was low and threaded with fear. “He’ll hurt me.”

“He won’t hurt you Jared.” Chris bent forward. “He will never hurt you again and the courts will make sure of that but you need to tell them what he did to you. You need to tell them what happened to you and your momma. We have a good lawyer for you, his name is Jeff and he has been in the business for a long time.” Chris smiled at Jensen with some reassurance. “He handles all abuse cases and he is paid by the state.” He put his hand on Jared’s thigh and squeezed. “He will look after you Jared, and he’ll make sure that no one hurts you again, I promise.”

“Jensen will come too, won’t he?” Jared’s eyes were soft with longing and hope. “Jensen has to come.”

“Of course.” Chris was smiling again and Jensen felt a rush of relief. He knew that this was inevitable, that they would have to meet with this Jeff person and discuss their case. He sighed and wished that it could all be over. He was pretty certain that Jared’s dad would be incarcerated but one wrong move and things could go very wrong. “I am going to get Jeff to come here over the weekend and have a talk with us all. We’ll make it as casual as possible, maybe go to a pizza restaurant or take out some Mexican.” He looked at Jared and his look was fond. ”You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“I like pizza,” the statement was simple and a little childlike but Jared was smiling for the first time since this conversation had begun.

“I’d better go Jensen.” Chris finished his beer and got to his feet. “Take care of our boy, okay? I’ll see you on Saturday and – believe me – it is going to be okay.”

Jensen nodded and he hoped to God that Chris was right. He wanted it to be okay, he needed it to be okay but he wasn’t sure, couldn’t be sure and he wondered if he could do this.

****

Jeff Morgan was a broad, scruffy looking man with a mass of grey streaked dark hair and a salt and pepper beard. He wore shabby jeans and an even shabbier white tee-shirt and his hands were stained with oil which he explained away by talking about the car he had been working on. Jensen saw, instantly, how tense Jared was around him and he knew that Jared was scared of Jeff, scared of him in the same way that Jared had been scared of Jensen’s dad or any other man of a certain age. Jensen wondered at the wisdom of having Jeff as their lawyer and he wished he could have a word with Chris about it but he didn't dare leave Jared alone with Jeff and he couldn’t seem to make any of this right.

Jared sat, almost cowering, in the corner of the pizza restaurant and Jensen wondered if it would have been better to have stayed at home.

“You know I’m the good guy, right?” Jeff took a slice of pizza and took a healthy bite. Jared was shaking and he looked at Jeff through veiled lashes, eyes downcast. At times like this Jensen questioned the wisdom of them having any sort of relationship because Jared was so childlike and so vulnerable that it was difficult to see if they would ever be equals, if Jensen could ever be more than a carer. He felt guilty even starting a physical relationship with Jared but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. It gave Jared the comfort he craved and Jensen the closeness he needed and it was good for the both of them. Jensen sighed; his emotions were all over the place recently, particularly where Jared was concerned and he wished he could do more to give the younger man the courage he needed to deal with all of this.

“He knows,” he said to Jeff and was rewarded with a grateful smile from Jared, a quick dimpled quirk of his lips and a flash of cloudy eyes. “You just need to take it slowly.”

“Well boy . . . .” Jeff put a meaty hand on Jared’s shoulder causing the younger man to, practically, jump out of his skin. “You are a quiet one but we need to talk.”

“I’m scared.” Jared’s eyes met Jeff’s, swift and sudden. “My dad – everything I did was wrong. I didn’t mean to fall and hurt my head; I never meant to upset everyone like that.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, boy.” Jeff shot a glance at Jensen and shrugged his shoulders. “What your dad did was wrong and I’ll tell you now that no one will ever hurt you like that again, no one.”

“I know that.” Jared reached out and, finally, snagged a piece of pizza. “Jensen takes care of me now and he would never, ever hurt me.”

“Yeah?” Jeff looked amused and Jensen felt his face flush, pretty certain that Chris had told Jeff about Jensen’s care. “Then you know that you are safe, right? You know that no one will hurt you whilst Jensen is taking care of you –particularly me.”

“I’m sorry.” Jared smiled again, hesitant but wider. “I’m sorry I’ve been like a child again. I know you are here to help but – but I don’t ever want to go back to my daddy. I want to stay with Jensen. I -. ” He looked at Jensen and flushed. “I love him,” he said, finally.

Jensen felt an odd mixture of embarrassment, warmth and shame and he lowered his own eyes. Jeff laughed, a booming laugh, and slapped Jensen on the thigh.

“I’m not surprised,” he said. “He is very pretty.”

“He’s not a girl,” Jared spluttered. “He can’t be pretty.”

Jeff laughed even louder and slapped Jensen again, harder this time.

“Oh boy, you are both so gone,” he said, finally. “It will be a pleasure working with you because there is so much I can tease you both about.”

Jared smiled then and leaned against Jensen, his mouth nuzzling at Jensen’s neck, his hand stroking up and down Jensen’s thigh. Jensen flushed but let Jared do it, leaning into his touch almost unconsciously, concentrating on the pizza so he didn’t get hard. Jeff chuckled and helped himself to some fries.

“That’s better,” he said, finally. “It isn’t going to be easy, boy, but we’ll get it right I promise.”

“And my dad?” Jared looked up at Jeff with pleading eyes.

“After that trial you’ll never have to see the bastard again.” Jeff obviously wasn’t one for holding back but if Jared was shocked by his language he didn’t react, instead he smiled wider and leaned forward, suddenly confident, different again, basking in the reality of actually being and feeling safe.

“Thank you,” he whispered and he held onto Jensen’s hand tight and determined. “I’ll be a good boy at the trial, I won’t let him scare me or hurt me and I’ll make sure that I tell you and them everything, everything he did to me and to my momma.” His eyes were bright. “I want a new start, a new life and I don’t want him in it, spoiling it.” He let out a breath as if the effort of his statement had exhausted him. Jensen swallowed hard and he felt his heart swell with pride sure that, now, they really did have hope for the future and certain that they could start looking forward rather than back, both of them ready to start a new life together.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for a mutual sexual act and descriptions of past physical abuse - please do not read if you think this will disturb you.**

Jensen sat in the easy chair and read the long report that Jeff had written for him.

It seemed that Jared’s dad wouldn’t or couldn’t be prosecuted for the _‘murder’_ of his wife but would be charged with manslaughter. Most of the report concentrated on the years of cruelty and abuse and it didn’t make good or easy reading. The worse thing were the photographs and information from the various hospitals that had treated Jared and his mom. Jensen felt sick as he stared at the grainy images of, what could only be, Jared’s torso, thighs, stomach and arms. He had seen the bruises first hand of course and he had treated Jared but to see all these different incidences, to actually be aware of how badly Jared had been treated was the most dreadful thing he had ever seen and the worse thing he had ever had to endure. He was close to tears when he finished reading and he hid the report in the drawer wanting to protect Jared from it for now, knowing that it would raise its ugly head soon enough.

Jared was happy; he was excited about going to pick the puppy up from Jensen’s parents and he talked about nothing else. Jensen was glad of the distraction because he didn’t want to think about the trial and he didn’t want to talk about the trial either. Jared seemed content as long as Jensen was near and Jensen was happy to oblige.

They were snuggled on the sofa and Jared’s long fingers were stroking his thigh. Since the last time they hadn’t done much apart from kissing and snuggling but Jensen could feel how hard Jared was as the younger man pressed against his hip and he felt hot and hard himself, his cock pushing eagerly at the zipper of his jeans. He moved slightly and they were kissing, Jared making those little moans that made Jensen harder. He let his hand brush against the bulge in Jared’s jeans and the younger man groaned, bucking into Jensen’s touch and mirroring his movements, fingers pulling Jensen’s zipper down and slipping inside, wrapping clumsy but keen around his cock and tugging at it hard and rough, Jensen’s moans now matching Jared’s.

Once he might have thought this was wrong but it felt right and Jared was, obviously, enjoying it. Jared’s cock was damp and leaking in his hand, his body bucking in gentle thrusts, his own hand tight around Jensen, the pleasure just on the right side of pain. Jensen hadn’t had anyone touch him for months, and it didn’t take long before he erupted all over Jared’s fingers. Jared gave a delighted gasp and came too, his orgasm exploding, his mouth open, his eyes tight closed. Both of them were panting but Jared stopped long enough to brush his mouth against Jensen’s throat and whisper how much he loved him.

****

“How long ago was this photograph taken?” Jeff sat on the battered sofa with Jared beside him. Jensen sat the other side of Jared; he didn’t need to look at the photographs, he had looked too long and too hard and he just wanted today’s interrogation to be over so that they could get an early night.

They were traveling to his parent’s ranch tomorrow to pick up the pup and Jared had been so excited. Now he looked pale faced and haunted, the trial only days away, both of them sleepless and exhausted, nightmares plaguing the few hours of sleep they did have. For Jensen it was the fear that something would go wrong and Jared’s father would, somehow, go free. He feared retribution, not for himself but for the man he loved, for a man he had seen make such amazing progress from a frightened child to someone who could think and act for himself. Jared had lost so much in his life but he had gained some of it back recently and Jensen couldn’t bear to think of Jared hurting, of Jared afraid. He would guard Jared with his life but he was still foolishly afraid of Jared’s father, still scared that the man would, somehow, get back into his son’s life again and destroy all the good work that Jensen had done.

As for Jared, it was easy to see what his nightmares were all about. Jared had lived with pain for so long he had become almost immune to it. Now he had had weeks, months of peace and quiet, of love and affection but he hadn’t forgotten how much his dad had hurt him, how much his father had taken from him. Jared didn’t want his dad to go to jail because he was hoping for revenge, Jared wanted his dad to go to jail so he couldn’t come back and hurt Jared anymore.

“Jared,” Jeff prompted again, “when was this taken?”

“When I was sixteen I think.” Jared bit his lip. He had been gnawing on it for a long time and it was ruined and bloody. “He was hitting mom because she gave him something he didn’t like to eat and I – I stepped in to try and help her.” He put his finger on the picture and rubbed the tip across the image, across the huge purple bruise that spread over his back and the top of his thighs. “He beat me with his tire iron.”

“Dear Christ,” Jeff reacted; it was hard not to do so. Jensen put his hand on Jared’s wrist and gave it a squeeze and Jared gave him a weak smile in return. “How long were you in hospital?”

“I didn’t want to go, daddy told me to tell them I fell down the stairs and so I did.” Jared shrugged. “I didn’t want him to hurt her anymore.”

“Did he do this to you often?”

“All the time.” Jared lowered his head, looking almost ashamed. “He told me that all daddy’s do that to naughty boys.”

“Oh shit.” Jeff got up and strode over to the window. He stared out into the street, his shoulders shaking. Jensen patted Jared’s shoulder and went to join Jeff. “I’ve worked on some pretty tough cases,” he whispered, through gritted teeth as Jensen looked at him, took in his pale face and disbelieving eyes. “But this bastard, - if I had a fucking gun, I’d shoot him!”

“He certainly is a piece of work.” Jensen could see the tension in Jeff. “Takes some getting used to when you first hear it but Jared is getting over it now, getting better, and we need to be strong for him; both of us.”

“I wondered why Jared was so childlike, so innocent.” Jeff swallowed and took a deep breath. “What he has been though, everything he has had to endure, it is surprising he can function at all.”

“He is braver than you think.” Jensen felt a stab of pride. “He protected his mom and she died trying to protect him. There is no one in the world for him only me now and I am gonna hold him so tight and so fierce that no fucker is ever going to hurt him again.”

“We are sending that bastard down.” Jeff drew himself to his full height and Jensen saw the determination in his eyes. “We are going to make sure that he never hurts another innocent soul, Jensen.”

Jensen nodded; he turned back to where Jared was watching them from his position on the sofa. Jared was leaning forward, his eyes bright. He gave Jensen a tremulous smile and Jensen smiled back moving over to sit by Jared, wrapping his arms around the younger man and holding him tightly.

“I love you,” he said, finally and Jared smiled wider, snuggling closer, his head resting on Jensen’s shoulder.

Jeff watched them for a long time and then, reluctantly, he came over to the sofa to sit back down beside them both.

“I’m sorry,” he said, gently, “but we have to carry on.”

“Sure.” Jensen kept Jared’s head on his shoulder, stroking his wild, chestnut hair. “We have to carry on.” He sighed and held Jared as close as he could.

There was a long way to go yet but he was beginning to be convinced that they were going to get there.


	10. Chapter 10

Jensen had never been inside of a courtroom before and it terrified him.

He couldn’t begin to think how Jared must be feeling and he could only offer his love and support, not really knowing what else to do or say. Jared looked terrible. He hadn’t been sleeping, plagued by nightmares and reverting to how he was when Jensen first met him, crying and clingy, more like a child than a man. It upset Jensen to see him like this and he just wanted to make things right.

The week had begun so positively; they had driven down to the ranch to pick up the puppy. The small animal had wormed his way into everyone’s affections immediately and Jeff had taken to carrying treats around in his back pocket whenever he came to visit. Jared called the puppy, _Sadie_ and the two were already inseparable. Sadie came for walks with them, carried in Jared’s arms, slept with them huddled down beneath the sheets and ate with them, crouched under the table hoping for snacks. Jensen was glad to have the puppy, as she was a distraction that they both needed.

Now, though, all the good vibes that had come with Sadie had been wiped out with the start of the trial. Jensen was certain that Jared hadn’t really been aware of what was going to happen to him and now, the thought of it all, had overwhelmed him and made him retreat into himself.

Jared was going to be called as a witness and that was the only thing that was comforting knowing that he wouldn’t have to appear in court until he was called. It meant that he could sit with Jensen in the _‘holding’_ room that was comfy and warm with a coffee machine and magazines to read. Jared was still tearful and he wanted and needed Jensen around him all of the time. Trouble was, as Jared’s original doctor, Jensen was a witness too and he was likely to be called at any time. All he could hope was that the trial wouldn’t go on for too long and that they could soon return to their peaceful way of life and maybe Jensen could return to work, get Jared into school at last, and make a life for both of them, a life that wasn’t centered around pain and abuse.

****

Jensen can’t be in court and with Jared at the same time so he relied on Jeff to tell him what was happening. Jeff looked so sick the first time he came to them during the lunchtime recess that Jensen wants to cry. Jeff whispers that Jared’s dad is trying everything to come off as a decent human being but is failing miserably. The jury had already seen some of the hospital reports and one of the women jurors had been crying. Jensen glanced over at Jared and saw that the younger man was sitting still and so very quiet, his pale face miserable, tears trickling down his cheeks.

“It’s okay Jared.” Jensen kneels down beside Jared and takes his head in his hands, kissing his lips and his nose. “Jeff is sorting it all out and it is going to be okay.”

“I want to go home.” Jared is close to breaking down and Jensen can feel his heart sink. “I want to go home to Sadie.”

“She’s alright.” Jensen can’t stop holding Jared. “We have a puppy sitter coming in, remember? She will be waiting for us when we get home. Hey, maybe we will stop off at the pet shop and get her some treats, would you like that?” Jared nodded tremulously and made a conscious effort to stop crying. He sniffed a little and wiped his nose on his sleeve and Jensen held him, impossibly, closer, feeling his heartbeat and rubbing comforting hands through his hair.

“I doubt if either of you will be seen today,” Jeff said, on a sigh. “These things can drag on and on. I am so sorry. I wish it could be all over too.”

“As long as the bastard goes down,” Jensen hissed over Jared’s lowered head. “I don’t care how long this thing lasts.”  
Jeff grinned then and Jensen was reminded of a shark ready to bite.

“We’ll make sure he rots in jail,” he said and Jensen nodded, his own smile returning as he imagined all of this being over. “We’ll make fucking sure of it.”

****

Neither of them slept; Jensen got up just before dawn and made hot milk whilst Jared lay on the sofa watching kid’s cartoons and cuddling Sadie. Yesterday had been bad enough but Jeff had told them that Jared would have to take the stand today and he had spent a couple of hours with them going through the questions, explaining to Jared what was going to happen and making sure they were as prepared as they could be.

Jared wore a grey suit; Jensen had bought it specially and he was impressed at how good Jared looked. His hair had been washed and brushed and his skin was tanned. He looked healthy and Jensen knew that the jury would have a job recognizing the man who stood before them from the beaten individual in the photographs. It didn’t matter, not really, the evidence was there for everyone to see and Jensen could only hope it would be enough.

Jensen sat at the back of the court; they had wanted him to stay in the room and wait to be called himself but he couldn’t, wouldn’t. He needed to be near Jared when the younger man gave his evidence and he wasn’t going anywhere. Instead, he watched as Jared took the stand; put his trembling hand on the bible and made his statement about telling the truth. Jared was so pale that he looked almost ill and his eyes were lowered so that he didn’t have to look at his dad who was sitting to the side, handcuffed but smug, his eyes on Jared, threatening and cold.

It was the first time that Jensen had really seen Jared’s dad and he was shocked. The man was a lot smaller than Jared, broad, but fairly slim with greying hair and piercing green eyes. He didn’t look all that menacing, not really and Jensen wondered how such a man had ruled his family with fear. He glanced over to the defense attorney who was whispering to Jared’s dad, nodding as he listened to the reply. Jensen wondered how anyone could defend the indefensible and he shuddered, praying that this would go well.

Jeff asked Jared his name and age and Jared answered softly, his voice shaking and laced with fear. He kept his eyes on the ground and his hands clutched the ridge of the witness box, his knuckles white. Jensen watched the jurors, saw an older woman wipe away fresh tears as Jared mumbled his information, clearly terrified.

Jeff’s questions went just as they had rehearsed; Jared seemed to remember some incidents but not others and he didn’t once look up at the photos that were on display. The jurors looked though and their faces were almost as pale as Jared’s as they gazed at the bruised skin, the long scratches, the cigarette burns. Jensen saw photos that he hadn’t seen, hideous close-ups of broken knuckles and the blackest of black eyes. All the time Jared kept his head down, his body shaking, his voice low as he tried to answer the questions. He spoke with some shame about his accident; how he had never really been the same, how he had never gone to school nor gotten the treatment he needed.

The defense attorney didn’t ask very much at all and Jensen felt better about the man. What could he say in the face of such evidence? How could he make all that abuse look better, justify it in any way.

In the end Jensen wasn’t called for testimony; there was no real need and the jury was released to make their verdict. Jensen only had time to grab himself a coffee and Jared a soda before they were called back to hear the jury’s decision. Gerald Padalecki was being sent down for twenty years for spousal abuse, for abuse and cruelty to his dependent and for manslaughter. Jensen wanted to weep with relief but he could only catch a frightened and trembling Jared in his arms and hold him tight both of them unable to believe that it was over, that they could go back to living their lives again.

Jensen shook Jeff’s hand and the older man insisted that he buy them both a beer. Today he insisted, was one of the best of his life and he was going to make sure that they all celebrated hard. Jensen was tired, Jared exhausted but they could hardly refuse and, the cheers they received when leaving the court, made him realize that – yes – today was a good day and he wanted to savor it forever.


	11. Chapter 11

They were both pretty wasted when they got back from their celebratory drink.

It was the first time that Jared had ever had beer and he was so happy and light that Jensen couldn’t begin to feel guilty in any way. He felt pretty high himself and he was finding it hard to believe that it was finally over; Jared could relax and start to live, live without the shadow of his dad hanging over him.

“Gonna' take you on a vacation.” He threw himself down on the sofa and Jared giggled and slammed down next to him, cheeks flushed and eyes bright even after only two beers. “Where do you wanna' go?”

“I . . . .” Jared flushed. “I’ve never been on vacation before,” he said, softly, “don’t really know what to say.”

“Never?” Jensen shouldn’t have been surprised but he felt a sudden stab of sympathy through the buzz of the alcohol. “Not at all.”

Jared shook his head and picked at a thread in his jeans; he looked miserable suddenly and Jensen felt instant guilt, as this should be a happy time.

“Then we can do whatever you want.” He nudged Jared with his shoulder. “We can go to the ocean or to Disneyland! Hell, if we go to Florida we can go do both.”

“Disneyland?” Jared looked up, hesitant, eyes shining. “Really?”

“Yeah. You don’t need to have kids to go to Disneyland, Jared.”

“I – that would be awesome.” Jared looked as if he might fly with happiness. “Could we really go?”

“Yeah.” Jensen felt as if they could truly do anything. “We can really go.”

****

The airport was loud and crowded and Jared looked a little scared; he stuck close to Jensen but didn’t hold his hand or anything and Jensen could see that he was determined to be grown-up and not act like a baby in Jensen’s presence. Jensen was proud of Jared, proud of how far he had come, proud of the fact that he had faced his ‘demons’ and come out on top. Jared looked so good now, tall and broad, he had put on weight and grown his hair longer. He wore smart blue jeans and a black t-shirt under a soft leather jacket and Jensen couldn’t help but notice the girls in the airport staring at him, laughing behind their hands and trying to catch his eye.

Jensen sighed; Jared had fixated on him because he was the first person who had shown any interest in him, the first person who had given him genuine love and affection. Jensen guessed that Jared hadn’t really thought much about his sexuality, had been too busy trying to protect his mom and avoid being hurt by his dad. Jensen wondered if he might be stopping Jared having a ‘proper’ relationship, maybe getting a girlfriend, pr getting married one day and having children of his own. He knew that Jared would always struggle, he had brain damage and there was no avoiding that fact but he was growing more confident, better every day and Jensen just wanted him to be as happy and as content as was possible.

They took their seats and Jared gazed out of the plane window almost bouncing with excitement. He had never flown before and he was beside himself. Jensen watched him fondly and had to laugh at the expression on his face as they took off, saw how he was gripping the arms of his seat and yet smiling at the same time. Soon they were in the air and Jared leaned against him, his head heavy on Jensen’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Jared said, softly, voice low. “And I don’t want anyone else but you.”

Jensen stared at him, wondering if he could read, minds and Jared smiled again,

“You are everything to me,” he continued. “And I don’t want a life without you in it and the only way you are getting rid of me is by telling me to leave.”

“I’d never do that Jared.” Jensen swallowed, chest tight with emotion, “You are everything to me and I love you too.”

“Then you are stuck with me,” Jared giggled then and snuggled closer. “You are stuck with me, Jensen.”

And Jensen, Jensen didn’t think that was a bad thing at all.

****

Jensen had never been to Disneyland either and it was hard to know which of them was the most overawed. The Magic Kingdom was just that – magic – and Jensen could feel how special the atmosphere was, see how happy the kids were and, most importantly, see how big the grin on Jared’s face was, dimples and everything.

There were Disney characters everywhere but Jared seemed most enamored with Dug the dog from ‘Up’. He spent hours in the stores just picking up furry replicas of the creature until Jensen finally caved and bought him the biggest one he could find just to see that smile again and again, reveling in it.

After a day, they were both exhausted and spent the next day lounging around the pool. Jensen liked swimming and he plunged into the cool water without a thought only to find Jared staring down at him, eyes shadowed.

“What is it?” Even before he asked, Jensen knew what the answer would be and he almost kicked himself for being so damn stupid.

“I can’t swim.” Jared sat down at the edge of the pool and let his legs dangle in the water. He didn’t seem to have any fear but he was hesitant and his mouth was turned down in an expression that Jensen didn’t want to see.

“Now’s the ideal time to learn,” Jensen said, keeping his voice light and splashing Jared in big, fat droplets. “It isn’t too crowded here so we virtually have the pool to ourselves and, when you can swim, we can go to the ocean and swim there.”

“Really?” Jared looked doubtful for a moment and Jensen nodded.

“And,” he added. “There is a place here in Orlando where you can swim with dolphins. I’ll make a deal with you, you learn to swim and we can go swim with dolphins how does that sound?”

“Sounds good.” Jared’s eyes lit up but there was a glint in them, a soft touch of mischief. “But I want something else as well.”

“What do you want? Another Dug? A trip to Universal?”

“No.” Jared flipped his feet so that he splashed Jensen. “I want us to – to do more than we have been doing.” He grinned then, warm and promising. “I want to be with you Jensen, in every way.”

Jensen felt his cheeks burn and his ears sting; he lowered his head for a moment and reached out with gentle fingers to touch Jared’s hair.

“Okay,” he said, finally. “Okay, Jared it is a deal.”

And he couldn’t wait to teach Jared.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning - this chapter contains sex between 2 consenting adults, one of which has learning difficulties, please do not read if you think it will offend you.**

Jensen woke with a start; sunlight was flooding through a gap in his curtains and he winced, rolling over only to find that the space in the bed next to him was empty.

He wasn’t ashamed to admit he panicked. He leaped out of the bed and pulled back the curtain so that he could peer out. The path that lead from their room to the motel restaurant was busy but, after a cursory glance, he realized that there was no sign of Jared and his heart began to beat that little bit faster as he wondered where the hell the younger man could have gone.

Jensen dressed quickly and didn’t even bother to brush his hair; he walked out into the cloying heat and felt the sweat prickle on his brow. Despite the early hour, it was already pretty warm and people were wearing board shorts and tiny swimsuits even to go for breakfast. Jensen suddenly realized how cool it would be in the pool and an idea formed in his head.

He walked down to the massive, tree-lined swimming area; the slides were already on and there were a few people sitting around the blue water eating snacks. He noticed three women staring and whispering to each other behind their hands and he realized, with some amusement, that he had found who he had been looking for.

Jared stood by the pool, unaware of the glances he was getting. Jensen couldn’t breathe for a moment, amazed at how good Jared looked, how much he had changed since Jensen had first met him. Jared was no longer a skinny and scared young man but a confident individual. At home in his skin now, unashamed and no longer worried.

Jensen took a moment to admire that long, tanned body. The soft waves of chestnut hair that flowed over Jared’s ever broadening shoulders. He could see the thickness of Jared’s thighs, the tautness of his abdominal muscles, the curve of his bicep and the slight bulge in the trunks that he wore. Jensen swallowed and licked his dry lips. It probably wasn’t best practice to be seen ogling your boyfriend in broad daylight and it certainly wasn’t doing anything for Jensen’s own libido. He was still staring when Jared looked up and speckled hazel eyes fixated on him, sparkling with mischief as he grinned, turned and did a perfect dive into the water leaving Jensen speechless and amazed.

****

Jensen could barely contain his excitement as he watched Jared swim, careful, almost elegant strokes, long legs and arms cutting through the water, fantastic to watch. He could see the girls from earlier watching too and he grinned, seeing the interest in their eyes. Jared swam for a bit and then surfaced, head poking up through the water, hair dripping into his eyes.

“Can we swim with dolphins now?” The innocent way in which Jared asked him made Jensen realize, not for the first time, that their relationship would never be ‘normal’. Whatever improvements Jared made he would always be childlike and naïve. Perhaps he would always struggle with some things. Jared had made progress and the person who was responsible for hurting him was now out of his life but the damage caused by that hurt, by the abuse that Jared had suffered would always have long reaching consequences and Jared would probably always need outside help. Jensen loved Jared; adored him, couldn’t imagine life without him but he was a realist and he knew that he would always need support. He wanted to go back to his job, hell he loved his job but he was scared of leaving Jared alone. He didn’t want Jared in an institution or in a place where he would be lonely and scared but he did need to get back to his ‘normal’ life and he wasn’t sure how he could do it without hurting or upsetting Jared.

Now though, he had other things in mind and he grinned down at Jared, hand reaching in so that he could haul the younger man onto the side of the pool, both of them floundering there, laughing and breathless.

“Yeah,” he replied, “we can swim with dolphins now.”

****

Discovery Cove was a wonderful place; only a thousand people were allowed in in one day and it was like paradise. Eight people were in their group and Jensen had to – virtually – hold Jared back when he saw the dolphin and he was having trouble containing his own excitement. The two of them stroked, kissed and swam with the dolphin, buying every single photo they could so that they had a reminder when they got home, something to treasure and put away when real life came calling.

Jensen was also aware that swimming wasn’t the only thing that had been promised and he was more nervous about this particular treat then he had been in a while. They had done things together and it had been wonderful, erotic and much better than Jensen had expected but this, this would be the final step and he didn’t want to hurt or upset Jared, do anything that might scare him or push him away.

****

They got back from Discovery Cove tired and damp; hair smelling of chlorine and salt, Jared weighed down with bags of souvenirs, gifts he had insisted on buying for Jeff and for Chris.

“You need a shower,” Jensen said, gently, as he took the bags from Jared and steered him towards the motel bathroom. Jared grinned for a moment and flicked his wet hair from his eyes.

“Come with me.”

There was silence for a moment as Jensen processed the request. He wasn’t foolish enough not to know what it meant, what Jared meant. He bit his lip and leaned forward, putting his hands on Jared’s broad shoulders.

“Are you sure?”

“I learned to swim, didn’t I?” Jared’s voice wavered. “I loved the dolphins but I love you more and I want you Jensen.”

Jared sounded so eager, so sincere that Jensen had to lean forward and kiss him. Jared tasted of salt, chlorine and something that was simply Jared. Jensen licked across Jared’s lower lip and Jared opened up eagerly, sucking Jensen’s tongue into his mouth. Jensen could feel how hard Jared was and he couldn’t help himself, his hand trailing downwards so that he could rub across the zipper of Jared’s jeans. Jared groaned then and leaned back so that Jensen could lift the shirt over his head and pull his belt undone, hooking his fingers in the loops and pulling Jared’s jeans and boxers down so that the younger man could step out of them.

The shower was forgotten; Jared naked in front of him, cock curving up against his flat belly. Jensen swallowed hard, throat tight and Jared stared at him with liquid eyes.

“Take your clothes off,” Jared whispered finally. “Please.”

Jensen stripped out of his clothes with an eagerness he had no idea that he possessed. He was soon as naked as Jared and the two men stood facing each other, Jensen finally breaking the deadlock by leaning forward again and kissing Jared hard and fast as if his life depended on it.

He wasn’t strong enough to carry Jared over to the bed but gentle urging got him there. Jared lay down without protest, drawing Jensen down on top of him, rubbing his naked cock against Jensen’s abdomen, urgent and desperate, his hands everywhere. Jensen shushed and gentled him. He got lube out of the bedside drawer and began to prep Jared slowly, carefully. Jared was writhing, moaning, almost out of control and Jensen relaxed, his own cock hard and wanting. He lifted Jared’s legs and pulled them gently over his shoulders and then he entered Jared with such reverence, as if Jared’s body was a temple, something precious and wonderful. Jensen was his first; his only and Jared was almost sobbing with need; his cock leaking steadily and warm fluid exploding from it as Jared came, came without Jensen even touching him. Jared came endlessly and wordlessly, his teeth buried in Jensen’s throat, the tightness around Jensen’s cock too much for him to tolerate and he let go himself, the two of them holding on to each other as if they would never, ever let go.


	13. Chapter 13

“I want to go back to work.” Jensen sipped at his beer. Across from him, Chris did the same and plunged his hand into the bowl of chips that Jensen had put on the table. “I need to go back to work.”

“What about Jared?” Chris kept his voice low. Jared was in the study watching TV, long legs tucked under him as he laughed, loudly, at the cartoons. He looked tanned and relaxed, hair light chestnut. There was a large furry dog on his lap and Chris smiled fondly at him.

“I was hoping I might get him into college.” Jensen rubbed his face. “I know he has difficulties but there are specialist courses at ordinary schools. I don’t think he would benefit from . . . .” He shook his head, unable to put his concerns into words. “He just needs to be treated like a normal person, Chris. He needs it.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Chris opened another bottle of beer. “I understand that you need to go back to work Jensen, it has been nearly nine months now and everyone concerned has been more than patient.” He smiled. “God Jensen, he looks so fucking good, you have been so fucking good for him.”

“Goes both ways.” Jensen felt his heart swell, always did when it came to Jared. “I am stupidly in love with the guy and I don’t want anything to ruin what we have but I can’t stay at home indefinitely.” He glanced towards the study to where Jared was now wrestling the dog to the floor, the pair of them rolling over and over, Sadie barking with excitement. “I love my job, always have and there will always be someone who needs help, the way I have been able to help Jared.”

“Yeah, God knows what would have happened to him if you hadn’t have intervened on that night.”

Jensen thought about that often; wondering what would have happened, the lingering fear that Jared would have died the terrible realization that Jared had been so close to losing his life. He thought about Jared’s mom and the awful life she had led, how she had died, how much Jared still missed her, still asked about her when he was tired or vulnerable. True Jensen HAD saved him but there were still so many lingering doubts, doubts as to whether they could lead a normal life together, uncertainties and reservations about the future. Jensen knew that he couldn’t live without Jared but he wondered if he should. Maybe Jared would be better off with others more like him, maybe he would flourish, grow more confident, even be able to get a job, maybe even meet a nice girl. He knew they had gone through this millions of times but he was worried that he had somehow ‘corrupted’ Jared, that he had somehow ‘ruined’ him.

“Over thinking, _Dr Ackles_.” Chris grinned, shaking his head. “Not at all good for you.”

“I worry.” Jensen knew it was best to be honest.

“I know.” Chris gave Jensen’s shoulder a squeeze. “But, whatever you think - he wouldn’t be better off without you, he wouldn’t survive a minute without you. God Jensen, the kid loves you. It is so fucking obvious, the kid loves you.”

“Yeah,” Jensen knew his laugh was unconvincing and shaky. “I just wish . . . .”

“Wish hard enough and it might come true,” Chris said and Jensen frowned, wondering what the hell Chris might mean this time.

****

“Her name is Samantha.” Chris held out a card and Jensen took it. “She runs a program for mentally challenged adults. She comes highly recommended and I think that Jared would benefit greatly from her input.”

“Mentally challenged?” Even now, Jensen hated that expression even though he knows it is true. Jared is mentally challenged and, no matter how much he tries to ignore it, things aren’t going to change anytime soon.

“I know it sounds harsh Jensen but I guarantee that Sam will help Jared and, in turn, also help you.” He patted Jensen on the arm. “She usually starts with home visits and then introduces her clients into small groups. Everyone that she looks after is in a similar position and I have seen people make leaps and bounds on her scheme of work. As Jared has already come on so much I can only imagine how good it will be for him and you can go back to work with a clear conscience.”

“Can we meet her?” Jensen didn’t mean to sound so over protective, so panicky but he was over-invested, in love and definitely beyond all rational help.

“I’ll arrange for her to come over at the weekend. She absolutely adores Chinese take-out and dogs, so this place would be like heaven for her.”

“Thanks,” Jensen pulled Chris into an impulsive hug. “Thanks so much. I owe a lot to you, Chris, Jared too and I don’t know how I’m – how we are ever going to thank you.”

“I like Chinese food too.” Chris hugged back. “Just keep that in mind and we’ll all do just fine.”

****

Sam was in her mid-forties, a redhead, vivacious and attractive, her enthusiasm was catching and Jensen caught Jared looking at her with interest, his hazel eyes clear and bright.

“So.” Sam sat on the floor cross-legged. “Tell me about yourself, Jared.”

“He has come on pretty well,” Jensen interjected. “We are so proud of him.”

“JARED.” Sam smiled, tapping Jensen lightly on the arm. “I want to hear from Jared.”

Jared smiled, shyly, dimples deep in pink cheeks.

“My dad used to hurt me and my mom. He never let us stay in one place for long and my head never really got better. My dad is in prison. H-he made us crash into a wall and my mom never woke up again.” He stared at Sam and wiped at his face. Jensen wanted to hug him, to hold him close but he resisted the temptation and just leaned over and touched his hand, letting him know he was there.

“What about school?” Sam asked, gently.

“I didn’t go much.” Jared looked at his feet. “I – I wasn’t anywhere long enough and often daddy wouldn’t let me go because people would see my bruises, see how much he had hurt me.”

Sam swallowed; Jensen saw her throat move up and down, saw the compassion in her eyes. She leaned forward and pulled Jared into her arms, hugging him until he wriggled free, face red.

“Would you like to learn Jared?” She asked.

“More than anything,” he whispered and Jensen knew, right then, that everything was going to be all right.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - this chapter contains sex between 2 consenting adults, one of which has learning difficulties, please do not read if you think it will offend you.

Jared bent over the book, tongue out of his mouth, his face lined with intense concentration. Jensen watched him with a mixture of worry and fondness. In these past few weeks he had seen a huge improvement in Jared but the younger man seemed determined to learn everything, to throw himself into study and Jensen couldn’t help but be concerned about him.

Jensen had gone back to work over a month ago and things seemed to be working out okay. Jared went to Sam’s three days a week and spent the other two days with Chris. Sadie went with Jared wherever he was and she was turning into a gentle and placid companion. Despite everything Jensen couldn’t let go, couldn’t stop tormenting himself, thinking about Jared when they first met, about the bruises and the mental anguish, about his mom’s death and what had happened since.

They were partners now he and Jared; they did things together as equals but Jensen couldn’t stop playing the protector, being mom and dad both, yet still wanting and needing Jared physically, lying awake at night wondering what they actually were to each other. Whether they could ever have a normal relationship and if they would ever surmount all of Jared’s obvious problems.

For now though he found himself watching Jared with the oddest mixture of pride and lust. Watching him read to himself, lips moving, brow furrowed, biceps flexing beneath the tight tee that he wore. Jensen shook himself wondering if he should go for a cold shower or if he should just launch himself at Jared and teach him a few other, more pleasurable, things than reading.

 

“You’re watching me.” Jared looked up, eyes shadowed, lips curving into a smile. “I like it when you do that.”

“You seem to be getting on well with that book.” Jensen’s mouth was dry, his body alive with sudden warmth and pleasure.

“Yeah, Sam is really pleased with me.” Jared held up the book Dr Seuss – The Cat in the Hat. “She says that I’m a natural.”

“Good.” Jensen beamed. “Did she say that you might be ready for ‘real’ school soon?”

“Maybe.” Jared put the book down and he moved so that he was sitting next to Jensen with his head suddenly in Jensen’s lap, his mouth perilously close to Jensen’s now throbbing groin. “My writing has improved too and she said, that you were a good influence,” he giggled. “But I think you are a really bad influence Jensen, you distract me.” He moved closer still. “I’ll never learn if you keep distracting me.”

“What have you learned so far?” Jensen’s voice was soft; hoarse with love and need. “Tell me.”

“That I’m nothing without you.” Jared was trembling now, cheeks flushed and mouth eager. “And that I love you so much Jensen, love you so much.”

“Love you too Jared.” Jensen moved so that his mouth was pressed hot and wet against Jared’s. Want you.”

“Can we go to bed?” Jared sounded confident, vibrant, knowing his own mind. “Please Jensen.”

“Yeah.” Jensen couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face. “Let’s go to bed.”

****

They still didn’t do this very often; Jared laid out on the bed for him like a feast, all long tanned limbs and fluttering eyelids, giving himself over to Jensen completely, his face alight with pleasure and anticipation.

Jensen bent over and kissed Jared’s mouth, tender and gentle. Jared hissed, moaned, hands coming around to hold Jensen closer, to pull him in, thighs parting; invitation obvious.

“God Jared,” Jensen knew he sounded wrecked. “Jared.”

“Please,” it was a plea, urging him on, hands rubbing across his spine, his shoulders, scrubbing through his hair. “Please I need you.”

Jensen moved slowly, prepping Jared with such care and attention, treating him as if he were precious, and delicate. Jared gave a throaty moan, impatient.

“I won’t break,” he whispered. “Please Jensen – I won’t break.”

Jensen kissed him hard and fast; entering him with care, his hand wrapped around Jared, jacking him slowly in time with his thrusts, whispering words of love and devotion, of need and lust. Jared writhed beneath him, the smile on his face wide enough to show dimples, his hair ruffled his cheeks red and flushed. In these moments they were always equals and Jensen wanted this, needed this always.

****

ER was busy; Saturday night shifts were the bane of Jensen’s life and, as much as he was glad to be back at work, he didn’t relish his odd shift patterns.

Jared was out with Chris; his friend played guitar in his spare time and he had a rare gig at a local bar. Jensen had left copious instructions that had made Chris laugh and Jared irritated. Jensen knew that, despite his problems, Jared hated being treated like a child, hated that Jensen sometimes acted like a parent when he should be acting like a lover. Jensen knew that the fear Jared had carried with him all of his life was becoming a distant memory and that Jared was beginning to develop his own identity, his own personality. Jared was growing stronger, more forceful in what he wanted and Jensen should be pleased, but deep down he was concerned, thinking maybe things were moving too fast. He was so used to caring for Jared that he couldn’t stop, couldn’t let go and he wondered when he had become such a control freak.

****

“Jensen.” One of his nurses pulled at his sleeve. “There’s an injured guy in cubicle three, he’s a little distressed and asking for you.”

For a moment Jensen went cold, hair on the back of his neck prickling. He rubbed his hand across his face and then, virtually, ran to the cubicle, the fear that had been a tiny stab in his chest working up into a massive pain, a pain that was almost threatening to become a heart attack. He pulled back the cubicle curtains, mouth dry, eyes prickling and he almost fell when he saw Chris sitting on the gurney, blood pouring from a wound on his forehead, knuckles blue and swollen.

“What the hell?” Jensen sat down beside his friend and put on his gloves, holding a pad against Chris’s forehead, the friend in him warring with the doctor. “What happened?”

“There was a fight – in the club – stupid fight blew up out of nothing. Not involved,” Chris took a huge breath, shuddering. “Pulled us off the stage, broke my fucking guitar, look at my knuckles,” he swallowed. “Shit!”

“Jared?” Jensen’s heart was pounding so hard he thought he might pass out. “Jared was with you.”

“I’m okay,” a voice behind him made him slump so quickly that strong arms caught him up and supported him. “Jensen, I’m okay.”

Jared was pale; eyes a little shadowed but he was here and he was whole and Jensen just wanted to hang on.

“Jared I was so….”

“I understand.” Jared guided Jensen so that he was sitting next to Chris again. “But you have to stop worrying Jensen. I’m a big boy.” He flushed. “I’m grown up now and I have to learn to look after myself.”

“He was great tonight.” Chris was listing and Jensen felt instant guilt as he realized how badly he was hurt. “He got me out of there and he got me an ambulance. Without him I would have been in big trouble.”

“I filled in the form,” Jared sounded proud, confident. “Used my letters like Sam taught me.”

“Oh Jared.” Jensen wanted to cry but for the first time in a long time they were tears of joy that were threatening. “Jared.”

Jared grinned, patted Chris on the shoulder, and gave Jensen a quick hug.

“I love you, you know,” he whispered as he made his way out of the cubicle, leaving Jensen to do his job. “I love you.”

“I know,” Jensen had no more words and he could only stare at a Jared, who he barely recognized, strode out of the cubicle and into the night. “I know.”


	15. Chapter 15

“I think he is more than ready for school,” Sam sipped her coffee and grinned.

Jensen stared at the backs of his hands and tried to think of something to say. They had been through this on several occasions and he had always thought of an excuse, always come up with something to stop Jared from being home schooled and actually go to Sam’s proper school. He opened his mouth and closed it again.

“Out of excuses Dr Ackles.” Sam put her coffee cup down on the table. “Finally.”

“I guess.” He felt his stomach clench with guilt. Jared had been sent out to walk Sadie so that he and Sam could talk in private. He was starting to allow Jared do more things on his own, starting to be more confident in the younger man’s abilities, starting to trust him, to trust himself.

“I thought after the incident with your friend Chris that things would change. Jared may have had a poor start to life but he isn’t a child anymore Jensen, he is a grown man and he is gaining in skills and self-assurance every single day. You have no right to try and hold him back you know, even if you think you are doing him a favor.”

“I know Sam.” Jensen’s stomach clenched and he felt both sick and guilty. “I love him,” he whispered, head down. “A little too much.”

“How could you not love him?” Sam leaned forward and patted his knee. “He is a good person Jensen, he hasn’t a cruel bone in his body but he isn’t stupid and he won’t be pushed around anymore. He spent years and years being abused and that does something to a person but he is trying to surmount those problems, trying to start afresh. The last thing he needs is for you to hold him back, Jensen, or for you to become the one who is abusing him.”

Jensen’s head shot up and he felt anger surge through him like a wild and terrible thing.

“I would never do anything like that to him! Fuck, how could you say such a thing, Sam? How could you even suggest it?”

“There are other forms of abuse, Jensen, not just physical ones. I know you would never, consciously, hurt him but by holding him back you are not doing him any favors. He needs to branch out, to be his own person and he can start by going to school.”

“His reading and writing have certainly improved and he is mentally sharper. It is just that every time he goes out of the door I worry. I worry what might happen to him. He – he still needs care you know – still needs someone to look after his personal welfare,” he sighed, biting hard at his lip. “I want us to be on an equal footing but I am afraid we never will be.”

“Jensen you have to give him a chance. Did you know he wanted a job? He wants to work with animals or children, he wants to bring money into the household, to pay you back for all the things you have done for him. He wants to . . . ,” she paused and bit her lip and wiped at her eyes. “He wants to buy his mom a headstone, to give some money to charities that help abused children. He is a sharp button Jensen and most of that is because of you. Don’t spoil your good work, let him go to school and let him learn. I promise you everything will be okay.”

Jensen felt the lump in his throat threaten to choke him and he reached over and hugged Sam to him, holding her hard and close.

“I’m sorry,” he said, finally.

“Don’t tell me – tell Jared.” She hugged him back firmly. “And then let him go Jensen. Learn to let him go.”

****

From then on, all Jared seemed to talk about was school. He worked tirelessly on his homework, he read the books that Sam gave to him, he wrote things in a notebook, painstakingly slowly, carefully, determined not to make a mistake. He made new friends too, spoke about them, about the things they did together. For Jensen it was both pleasure and pain, listening to the man he loved, the man who had been devoted to him, talk about others with fondness and excitement. Watching him branch out and spread his wings, watching him fly.

Sometimes, after an early shift, he would sneak into the school and watch. Sam’s establishment was small and intimate, the pupils all with special needs and all at different levels of learning. Jensen was, secretly, proud to see that Jared was head and shoulders above the others when it came to learning and he was so proud it hurt.

Jared had become more forceful; he knew what he wanted and what he didn’t and he was more likely to fight over it now. He wasn’t afraid to speak out anymore and he was getting his confidence back, able to face people without being shy, talk to people without stammering or stuttering. It was like watching a caterpillar turn into a beautiful butterfly and Jensen could only stand back, a spectator, his emotions so mixed that even he didn’t know what he actually felt about all of this.

****

“Are we still friends?” Jared was on the sofa reading his book. He looked up as Jensen entered with cold beer and took one from him, swigging it back, cheeks flushing. Slanting eyes stared at him, soft and pleading and Jensen could see the worry there, the concern. “Are we Jensen?”

“You know it, Jared.” He sat down beside the younger man and put an arm around his shoulder, hugging him closer. “More than friends.”

“No one at school has a Jensen.” Jared’s eyes lit up then, the worry in them dimming. “No one at school has anyone like you.”

“Is that bad?” Jensen swallowed hard, the lump in his throat almost painful.

“For them.” Jared rolled so that he was half on top of Jensen, his weight almost suffocating the older man. “Really bad.”

“Yeah.” Jensen managed to get his arms around Jared’s shoulders and they fell back on the sofa, Jared’s book hitting the floor with a bang. “Well it sucks to be them, right?”

Jared laughed then, lighter and happier by the moment.

“I love school,” he said, seriously, “but I love you more.”

“I know baby.”

“And if you didn’t want me to go then I wouldn’t.” It was a stark sentence and one that Jensen didn’t want to hear. He shook his head and held Jared closer still.

“I do want you to go baby boy,” he whispered, “I may not always show it but I’m so proud of you Jared, so proud, you have come so far.”

“I won’t let anyone hurt me anymore.” Jared kissed him then, clinging to him as if he would never, ever let go. “I won’t let them hurt me or you.” He pressed impossibly nearer. “I won’t, I won’t.”

“No one is going to hurt _us_ , Jared,” Jensen kissed unruly hair, ran his fingers through soft silk. “No one.”

Jared sighed then and let his head rest against Jensen’s chest. He was fully spread out across Jensen, a blanket of skin and bone, of muscle and strength. It was heavy and uncomfortable but Jensen – Jensen wasn’t letting go.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning** \- this chapter contains a sexual act between 2 consenting adults, one of which has learning difficulties. Please do not read is you think it will offend you.

In the summer they finally got round to looking for a new house.

Jensen’s apartment seemed to be getting smaller now that Sadie was growing big and Jared had so many books. Jensen wanted something further out, something in the country with some land so that they might get another dog. He felt smothered by the city recently and, although he still loved his job, he felt it was time to branch out, time to have something that belonged to both of them.

Jared was excited and wanted to be part of the process; he pulled out lots of glossy leaflets and helped Jensen surf the net. Jensen was on a good wage but Jared’s schooling wasn’t cheap and although they got support from the hospital and the counseling service, it was still a struggle financially. Jensen could see that Jared was upset about this, hurt and tearful. As time went on Jared hated being reliant on Jensen, he wanted to pay the older man back, wanted them to be on a level playing field, one helping the other. It was hard for him, it made him angry, and Jensen didn’t know what to do or say to make it right. Jared was coming on in leaps and bounds but it would be a long time before he could hold down any sort of job and Jensen could feel the frustration radiating from him, as they had to reject house after house, knowing that they would never be able to afford the mortgages.

In the end, it was Sam that offered them a lifeline. She asked if Jared would like to do some simple teaching at her school. Nothing major just life skills basically but it was paid work and something that would be of use to both of them. Jared was over the moon and never stopped talking about it and Jensen watched as the man he loved blossom even more, saw the joy on his face when he brought home is first pay slip, saw the glowing eyes and wide, dimpled smile when he opened his first bank account. Jared was so happy it was hard to hold him back and Jensen felt so proud he thought he might burst with it. The two of them going out for a celebratory meal that Jared was paying for, both of them drinking a little too much wine and staggering home, holding each other up, supporting each other, so much in love it was almost painful.

 

That night their shared passion was different; Jared took charge, taking Jensen into his mouth and worshiping him, sucking and licking, tasting. He caressed and kissed, smoothing big hands down over Jensen’s flanks, whispering words of love and passion, of dark desire. This was a different Jared to the one Jensen had found in that hospital cubicle, a different Jared to the battered, timid man who had been afraid of his own shadow. This Jared was sensual and confident, this Jared knew what Jensen wanted and desired. When Jensen was so far gone, he didn’t think he would last a moment longer this ‘new’ Jared pushed him down on the bed and slipped himself down Jensen’s aching cock. He propped himself up on Jensen’s heaving chest and rode him. He rode him hard and fast and with such purpose that Jensen came almost immediately, Jared following him down, dirty promises spilling from his lips, his own cock spurting warm and wet over Jensen’s chest and stomach, his beautiful eyes closed, his mouth smiling wide as he flopped forward into Jensen’s waiting arms.

****

The house was run down and the realtor knew it; Jensen sighed as he gazed at the peeling paint and the old style grate, a few pieces of well-burnt coal sticking to the sides, soot everywhere. The bathroom was so old that there wasn’t even a bath and the kitchen was just two tables and an old greasy range. No wonder this was so fucking cheap. Jensen swallowed and looked out of the window, his mouth wide as he gazed at the view.

There were miles and miles of rolling fields of corn and soft blue sky meeting wild green grass. There was a horse two fields away and some sheep. Outside of the house, there was a barn in pretty good condition and a mangy cat lay outside of it, licking its matted fur. Beside him, Jared leaned so that his head was on Jensen’s shoulder, his mouth next to Jensen’s ear.

“I like it,” he whispered. “It is really, really nice.”

“It is gonna take a lot of work,” Jensen’s mouth was dry.

“I can paint.” Jared beamed at him. “I’ve lived in worse places.”

Jensen remembered how transient Jared’s life had been before. How his dad had moved them from city to city and how Jared had never really had a home. He swallowed hard and shook his head.

“If you like it. . . .”

“Do you?” Jared cocked his head to one side and moved even closer, his mouth on Jensen's neck. The realtor smiled indulgently and rummaged in her handbag.

“We could come to some agreement on the price,” she said, gently. “If you both want it.”

Jensen knew then; knew with certainty that this wreck of a farmhouse was going to be their home and he felt such warmth, such joy that he didn’t know if he could be any happier, if life could get any better.

“Yeah,” he and Jared spoke in unison and the realtor laughed. “We want it.”

****

It turned out that Jared was very good at home improvement.

Every day when Jensen returned Jared had decorated a room, the scent of paint strong in the air, the smears on Jared’s face giving Jensen a clue as to what color he had chosen, what room he had been working in. Jared had cleaned the range and tiled the kitchen. He had paid to get a bath fitted and had bought a sofa and chairs for the sitting room. Jensen watched as the house was transformed in front of his eyes becoming a home for both of them; something Jared had never had before.

The other thing Jensen noticed was the sudden influx of stray animals; the mangy cat he had seen on their first visit, two balding chickens, a small piglet and a rooster that crowed so loud they didn’t need an alarm. There was still something childlike and innocent about Jared and Jensen found it hard to say no to him. Jensen knew he was so stupidly in love with this man and he thanked God every day, thanked him for sending Jared to him because, in reality, they had saved each other.

****

They held their housewarming party two weeks before Thanksgiving; Chris, Jeff and Sam were the guests of honor and Jensen watched as they moved through the house admiring Jared’s handiwork and making friends with the various animals. Jensen stood on the porch and watched the sunset over the distant fields. Jeff stood beside him and slugged down a beer, his eyes on the red flare.

“You should be proud of yourself,” he said, nudging Jensen’s shoulder. “You have given him a life, a good life and he has repaid you in so many ways. The two of you – hell I envy you – I have never seen such love and devotion in a couple before and I believe you will have a long life together.”

Jensen couldn’t speak; there were no words really. Jeff was right, they did love each other and they were devoted to each other and, finally, their relationship was equal, Jared supporting Jensen, Jensen supporting Jared.

Jared was talking to Sam when Jensen went inside; he looked up instantly as if he knew Jensen was near, could sense his closeness. Jensen smiled at Sam and she smiled back, whispering something in Jared’s ear and then moving away with a quick squeeze of Jensen’s shoulder.

“It’s a good party isn’t it?” Jared’s face was flushed, eyes bright. He looked fit and tanned, no bruises, no scars, not even internal ones and Jensen couldn’t help himself. He moved swiftly and drew Jared into his arms, holding him hard and tight, their lips meeting, the taste of Jared sweet and innocent on his tongue.

“Yeah,” Jensen sighed into Jared’s welcoming mouth. “The best – thanks to you.”

Jared blushed.

“I wanted this to be the start of our lives together,” he said, finally. “A little like a marriage, I guess.”

“I love you.” Jensen had no other words now and even the three most important ones seemed lame and not enough.

“I love you too.” Jared smiled, so happy, so confident. “And without you, who knows where I’d be right now. Everything used to hurt; my body, my mind, everything. The day I met you – the day I first saw you everything stopped hurting and –and I just don’t know how to thank you.”

Jensen looked around; at the beautiful house they had, the devoted friends, the love that cocooned and surrounded them.

“Just say a prayer and close your eyes,” he whispered.

And Jared did.

The End


End file.
